Getting old? Yes, but NO WAY!

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting old. When is it too late to make radical changes in your life. At what point do people just think you're nuts? I've been talking to several people my age and older and one of the things that I keep running into is that these people are looking towards the end of their careers (in the short-term) and are no longer thinking about making changes that will excite them, but are just considering the easiest way to sneak out of life.

You see, our parents did that. Retirement was an amazing goal. They looked forward to sitting around, drinking ice tea (or whatever), maybe working on a few projects around the house, traveling to see grandkids, on and on and on. So ... if our parents did that, we should too?

When I was much younger, the people that were my parents age were old! They already acted old. If an older woman wanted to do things that only younger women did, she was called 'feisty!' Blech. I don't want to be feisty, I want to be Diane!

I'm about to make a major change in my life, a change that could take me 30 years to accomplish (well, not the initial change, but the overall goal). I want to be given those 30 years by people who know me and people who meet me. I don't want anyone to expect me to lay down and shrivel up simply because I turn a certain age. It's absolutely going to kill me to watch my friends move toward retirement and then settle into quiet, withdrawn lives because they think that's the thing to do.

Now, I know full well that many of you will take exception to all of this - and YEA!!! Do!! If you are looking forward to retirement, good for you. If you get all weak and feeble on me because you've given up on life, I'm kicking your butt.

This is going to be an interesting time for me. It scares the stuffing out of me that people my age and older quit going for the big, exciting jobs and huge dreams for their future because they think they have to. I don't want anyone to ever look at me and think that I can't do something simply because I'm no longer 25 years old. Now is the best time ever for me to be doing big, exciting things because I finally have the wisdom of the ages behind me (shaddup - all of ya!).

Look - this is what turning 50 does to ya. All of a sudden you get really reflective on life. Right? Right. Sigh ...

Routine? Love it.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit how much a creature of habit I am. The thing is, I love change. Change always means growth to me. It's scary, but it always challenges me. At the same time, though, I find that there are certain things I need to remain stable.

The last two weeks were amazing. I got to see old friends, experience new things, go places I don't consider part of my pattern. It was awesome.

The ten weeks prior to that were amazing. I was in the process of taking online classes and focused my energies on learning and accomplishing goals. Again ... just awesome.

But, this week, knowing that I could settle in ... drag out the Greek textbooks, explore some new educational possibilities, read, etc., and not have to face long travel trips which challenged me or think about how weird my schedule is due to holidays ... just felt wonderful.

When I was working full time, I loved the breaks that holidays brought. So, I watch all of my friends get excited about those days off and I'm glad for them. For me, though, that stuff just upsets my continuity! Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I like things to stay in one place. No, I don't think that's it. (well maybe a little) I'm really working towards upsetting my entire pattern for 'normal.' It's going to happen and I'm going to love it!

Christmas parties, gatherings, celebrations, concerts, holiday events are all coming up and ready to intrude on my 'normal.' I'm going to enjoy them all. But, it's different being in a position where I'm no longer anticipating the break in my routine because my routine stinks. I love my routine right now. I love that I can study and research, write and process. I can hardly wait for the next course of study to begin!

Speaking of that ... I will hopefully be bringing some more of Diane's life-change news to you soon! Just gotta get through the process.

Ahhh ... college!?

The last couple of weeks have been heavy on the travel and light on actually accomplishing anything productive. I look forward to enjoying the rest of this week. There will be (hopefully) much learning occurring as I attempt to immerse myself back in the world of strange (to me) languages.

I'm also spending time looking at various online learning experiences - different universities and colleges around the country that will allow me to complete as much of a degree as possible without actually being on campus. Most of them are far, far away and I'm just not ready to relocate for months at a time. It would also help if I knew exactly what it was that I wanted to do with myself when I grew up! I have a vague idea - and a lot of dreams, but I will admit to needing to be a bit practical.

What I really want to do is cobble together coursework from a multitude of different universities, complete it all and then ask one of them to just give me the degree I'm looking for. Think I can make that work? No, I didn't think so, either.

I'm getting tired of making decisions. Well, that's not even true. I haven't made any yet. I seem to have so many things floating around in my head, I don't know what to do with myself! Like all of the rest of my friends who continue to place these deep life questions before God, I think I'd just like a sign or two pointing me in the right direction. Something like oh, say ... a contract with a Christian publisher so that I know that writing is what I'm supposed to be doing, or an obvious degree path that will lead me to a career that I will find stimulating and exciting.

Yah, it's not going to be that easy - I'm confident of that. I just hate thinking about this part of it. I want to be in the middle of the path, not at the beginning. Sigh. (hehe) I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to work for this.

It really was much easier the first time around. Everyone was telling me what to do and it all seemed to make sense. I thought I had my plan in hand and my life was going to fall into place without much effort. But that didn't really occur, so this time I'm going to expend a little more time and energy and see what I can do to make the next 30+ years of my life wild and crazy!

Love, life and friends

It's good to be home, but my goodness, it was a strange, wonderful feeling being around old friends in a place I called home for over nine years. Today was just a continuation of the sensations of love that I've experienced over the last few days.

I had planned to meet up with some close friends of our family - Gailen & Sonna. Wow, it's hard to imagine how long we've been friends, but they were friends of my parents and we kind of grew up with their kids (ok, I was a lot older - hush!).

Last night just after I got to the party, I got a message to call their daughter, Mary - immediately. Gailen had had a stroke. That hit me hard. You know, it's one thing to watch your own parents deal with health crises and to deal with their deaths, but when something like this hits you out of the blue and it's happening to someone you love so much ... wow. I called Mary, she told me that things were going ok, but of course they were still worried. So, instead of planning to meet them for breakfast this morning, I decided to head for Mercy Hospital and just see them there.

First we spent some time with Mary and Brad at her house - caught up on their family stuff, got a chance to hug her and love her out loud and find out what was really happening. She warned me that her dad was looking a lot older. I think she wanted to prepare me. Ok, fine.

Then it was off to Iowa City. Yup, I remember hating that drive. All the idiots that insist that 55 mph is what they should be driving (ok, I know the speed limit is 55, but puhleeze! really?). Drove into Iowa City, had more memories of locations hit me and found the hospital. We got into the room and it was all I could do not to dash into Sonna's arms. Well, maybe I didn't restrain myself too much. She hugs GOOD! I hugged Gailen and realized that he looked great. Mary had done a terrific job of preparing me - I was expecting death warmed over and he looked just like Gailen. Heck, we've all aged! (well, not me - I'm still only 30 - right? RIGHT!)

We didn't spend a lot of time with them, the physical therapist wanted him to work with her ... right now! So, we hugged again and headed home.

I am so grateful that God afforded me the opportunity to be with this family just for a few moments so that we could all be reminded of how much love we've shared in the past and how God has bound our families together.

We move in and out of each others lives throughout these limited years we have together, and I am continually amazed at how love reaches across time spans and lives that we live to draw us together in important ways. I am so thankful for His love that transcends everything.

50 is the new 30

That was the idea I was trying to promote this evening. I'm not sure if it caught on or not, but I gave it my best shot!

You see, I'm back home in Sigourney. Some friends decided it was time to host a Happy 50th Birthday party for classmates that had graduated around 1976-77-78. Lots of us came in for the party. It was great fun to see faces and reconnect with people I haven't seen in years. I'm still processing on all the stories I want to tell, one of these days I'll get them written down.

We drove into town early this afternoon and as I saw the Sigourney water tower in the distance, I got a little choked up. For 9 years that water tower had signified home to me. My friends and family walked with me as I grew from a child to a young woman. They knew my parents, we played together, laughed together, competed against each other, learned together. We had secrets together, we hurt each other, encouraged each other, protected each other. These were the people that knew me well.

I started pointing out landmarks to Max and then warned him that I would probably get good and lost at some point because I would forget my way around the town. We drove around for awhile as I reoriented myself. The streets all seem smaller, the distances between places are shorter. I had always wondered about that long, long, long, long walk from my house to the high school. Hmmm ... not such a long walk after all! And the distance from the parsonage to the church. My goodness, but that was a quick block and a half. I was sure it was much further away.

Our evening entertainment centered around the square if we weren't at the high school. We would drive around, pull over into a parking space and chat with friends and then get in our cars and start again. We might head to the Tastee Freez (the building is empty now and up for sale) or the pizza place on the square (that one is no longer open). There was always a reason to be hanging out with friends.

So, I pulled onto the square, parked in front of the courthouse and Max got out to take pictures. I just sat there and reminisced. There was the spot where my boyfriend punched a kid out for insulting me. That was where we got out of the car and sang "Black Water" at the top of our voices. That's the cleaners that was owned by my friend, Susan. On and on ... my mind was flooded with memories.

It's good to come back to the memories that remind us of the fun and passions of our youth.

Tonight's party was great. The band that took us through high school - "Double Trouble"- played covers of our favorites, just like they did when we were much, much younger. Those guys did a great job then and believe it or not, they've still got it.

It was great fun watching everyone peer at name tags, hoping that we wouldn't embarrass ourselves by not knowing someone we should have known very well. At some point, you just have to admit that we changed just enough to make it difficult to put a name and a face together.

That was one of the weirdest things for me today. As we drove around Sigourney, I would see a house and say, "Oh my, I spent time in that house and I can NOT tell you who lived there." Some I remembered, some I just looked at blankly, wishing for the memory to return. That's probably the same way I looked at people tonight. Some I remembered immediately, others I just prayed for a memory before they realized that it was a blank look on my face. For the most part, once I got a name, I was doing great.

It was a great evening. I'm glad I came back. I'll be back for more!

Really? A post about bread?

As much as I love to eat bread, I love to make it. There is nothing better than smelling homemade bread in the oven. Before I got my bread machine, I did knead and make bread, but it was such a pain in the butt. I also discovered frozen bread dough. That was pure awesomeness! I don't know why I rebelled against it, though.

However, I love to bake bread. I use my machine for mixing, kneading and allowing the bread to rise, then I pop it out into the loaf pan or onto a cookie sheet for rolls, let it rise once more and bake away. One of the things I need to spend time doing is experimenting with crusty European breads. I love to eat those and I haven't yet figured out how to make them ... correctly. The other thing I would love to accomplish is getting a good sourdough starter in my life.

A few years ago, I decided to try it. I got the whole kit to get it going and promptly ... forgot about it. Killed that little bugger, I did.

Wow, I remember the very first time I had real San Francisco sourdough bread. I got a round loaf and am pretty sure I ate the whole thing in one sitting. I had never tasted anything quite so amazing. This was back in 1987 and there wasn't much sourdough out here in the midwest yet. That changed a few years later and I can finally get amazing breads in a lot of different places.

Now, you'd think with my incredible passion for bread, there wouldn't be many I didn't like. You'd be wrong. I'm not a fan of grainy breads, though they are better for me. I love rye and pumpernickel, oat breads, Italian dark breads, light breads, rolls, some sweet breads. But, mostly, I just love plain old bread.

And toast? Oh my goodness, I love toast. Yah ... toast. Alright, if you don't know about this hilarious sendup on toast by Heywood Banks, here's a great video of him actually performing the piece live.

I remember my Grandma Greenwood baking bread. She's the one that taught me how to knead the dough to make it perfect. Dad remembers a loaf of bread that she had set on the table to cool. He discovered it, picked it up, made a hole in the bottom and ate the center out of that amazingly, wonderful loaf of bread. Then he put it back on the table and left for the day to play with his friends. Oh, Grandma knew who had done it.

This blend of flour, water, oil, sugar and yeast (other things too, I guess) is a reason to give thanks. Not just because it is yummy, but because I have plenty. Along with the bread tomorrow, there will be turkey and potatoes, vegetables and salad. There is warmth and protection from the winter's chill, there are people who love me - friends and family alike. I have plenty. I have an abundance. I am grateful for everything that makes me who I am today.

I am thankful.

December Pour Out a Blessing

Advent is a time of preparation.

Most of us understand that we are preparing for the coming of Jesus, but what many of us don't know is that Advent is actually a time of preparing for the Second Coming of Christ. While we celebrate His birth on Christmas, we prepare our hearts for His return during Advent.

This Advent (well, the month of December), I'm going to take us through the Bible's prophetic texts regarding Jesus' return. We'll look at the Old Testament, the Gospels, Paul's letters and the other New Testament writer's writings about His return and then spend time in the Revelation.

Since I haven't yet mapped out the outline, there is every possibility that this might take us into January as well.

If you know someone that would get something out of this study, please invite them to read the blog, or ask them to email me at -- nammynools (@) cox (.) net -- and I will get them on the daily email list. Otherwise, they can follow me at the blog or subscribe to the RSS feed.

What does the Bible actually say about the return of Christ? The first thing we need to know is that He is coming back. The second thing we need to know is that He calls us to be prepared. As we prepare our homes and families for the celebration of Christ's birth, let us prepare our hearts for His return.

Twilight and other fiction

I saw "New Moon" on Sunday with a bunch of girlfriends. That made for an interesting Sunday. I wasn't sure which to be more excited about: worship or the movie. I chose to be excited about both ... each in their own time.

I told the girls sitting beside me in the theater that they needed to be prepared for moaning. They laughed until they realized that I wasn't kidding. Yes, I'll admit it - this 50 year old woman thinks Robert Pattinson is HOT! Funny thing, though. I didn't pay that much attention to him when he played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter.

Everyone is talking about the Twilight books and movies. Why are they such a big deal and why have vampires/werewolves become the new hot commodity in entertainment? I haven't got all the answers, I just have opinions. I suppose some will say that it's a sign of our times. Life is rough enough and getting lost in a fantasy is good for all of us.

The Pope decided to come out against the movie. That's fine. I always figure that fiction is what it is. There was an uproar over the Harry Potter books, The Golden Compass, DaVinci Code, etc., etc. There will be an uproar over books as long as people are reading and writing. Books have been banned, burned, destroyed, hidden - you name it.

Words have a tendency to offer freedom. When you are trapped in a situation, words and ideas can explode with brilliant clarity in your mind. Books offer creative ways to use those words.

When I grew up in small town Iowa, I didn't experience much more than white, middle class people. But, in the books I read, I was exposed to everything! Aliens, slaves, various cultures, extreme thought processes, different ways of life, new ways of thinking, history, dreams of the future. Books encouraged me to think beyond myself and to be open to ideas that were bigger and different than what I had ever considered.

Fiction encourages us to dream. I love seeing the way that science fiction becomes reality in our lives. Fiction helps us to see differences in others and relate those differences to the world in which we exist.

Do you remember the classic Star Trek episode, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield?" Two groups of people are at war. The difference between them? On one, they are white on the left/black on the right, the other group is exactly opposite. It was such a blatant statement on racism at the time it was made.

Now, do you see the racism between vampires and werewolves in Twilight? Bella doesn't see it at all. She loves them both, but their traditions and fears of each other are so strong that until they find a common ground, they can barely tolerate each other.

This is the beauty of fiction. Real life problems, presented in a manner that is easy to read.

Jesus used parables - stories to illustrate the point He was trying to make.

I believe that we want to accept the differences in each other, but find it difficult to do so. Maybe it is peer pressure, maybe it is fear of the unknown, maybe we've simply been taught to hate by the people around us.

....or MAYBE tomorrow we will wake up and discover that vampires and werewolves do really exist, that Vulcans have landed on earth to ask us to join the intergalactic government, or that lizard-people or insect-people are here to munch on us for dinner.

...or MAYBE tomorrow we will wake up and discover that we are asked to interact with someone much different than ourselves with love, compassion and understanding.