50 Years of Learning

Well, this is just freakin' weird. I turned 50 today and I'm not yet sure what to do with that! When my father turned 50, he was old. My mother didn't make it to 50. I don't feel old. In fact, right now I feel better than I have in years! So ... today has been weird.

What have I learned in the last 50 years? A lot. The problem is, I don't seem to actually apply all of that learning on a consistent basis. You'd think that the wisdom of these ages would cause me to be more self-confident, less judgmental, more positive, less gossip-filled, (you get the idea). And yet, I seem to be the same girl that is filled with fears and insanity that I was as a child.

So, what have I learned?

I've learned ...

...a lot about what I like and dislike. It's time for me to step forward and enjoy the things that I like and discard the others.

...that material items will drag me down. Stuff is in my way constantly. I spent a lot of years collecting the junk that I just want to be rid of at this point.

...that I love technology. I love physics and math. I love being a geek / a nerd ... whatever you want to call it. I don't have the experience and education needed to actually succeed at all of those things, but that doesn't mean I can't love it!

...that I love being around creative, brilliant people. If we hang around together, trust me, you are one of those people and if I've lost track of you and we ever did hang around together, trust me, you are one of those people. When I was younger, I never really paid attention to the fact that I was drawn to that, but wow I really am.

...that love is easy to give. Easier than most people allow it to be. There is nothing better than actually saying the words 'I love you' to people who surround me. I mean it - every time I say it. Love is everything - the essence of every relationship. We withhold those words too often.

...that it is better to walk away from an argument than to fight for my rights or my opinion. I'd rather have a relationship than be right.

...that sometimes things in the past will mess you up and you may never, ever get past them. But, I've also learned that if they stay hidden and silent, you will get eaten up by them.

...that people who walked in and out of your life over the years never really leave your heart. Relationships are so important and I should never have released some of them without more of a fight.

...that change is better than stasis. Change always brings growth. And I'm never going to be too old to embrace change in my life.

...that I was much too young at the age of 17 to make life decisions for career, family, etc. What in the world was I thinking? In fact, I don't know if I'm really old enough now to be making these decisions.

...that money makes life easier in some cases, but causes us to obsess about things we shouldn't waste our time thinking about. It's really not worth it. Big houses, fancy cars, expensive items replace relationships. I'd rather live in a cabin in the woods (oh yah ... I'm loving it) than a mansion on the hill so that I can spend money on my friends and family rather than on stuff.

...that nothing can separate me from the love of Jesus Christ. I have been through so much in these last 50 years and there were times that I openly worried about losing my faith because of the extreme intensity of the crisis. But, even through ups and downs in my relationship with God, I still can't imagine being anywhere but in His arms when all is said and done.

...the greatest blessings in my life are people.