Commitment/Procrastination

I typed today's date into an email I sent this morning and had a sensation of 'newness' flood over me. It's a new day, the beginning of a new week, the start of a new month. What would I do with this?

Honestly, I feel a bit guilty about having this blog sitting out here barren, with no current thoughts, ideas, or words. For awhile I was committed to writing every day, but then I didn't. It got easier and easier to just not write down my thoughts and tell my stories.

Funny thing, when I'm in the middle of self-discovery or change or just stuff, it's simpler to stay quiet than it is to babble away.

At the same time, I've felt incredibly boring. There is little to nothing exciting going on in my world. It's the same old thing on a day to day basis. Oh my, I have big things on the horizon, but until those get started, what in the world about me is important to tell?

While all of these things seem to be true, I also know that for me, writing is more than just a flow of words pressing to get out of my head. Sometimes it's a lot of work.

My mind is always active, always churning, always self-adjusting. I am terribly critical of myself and judge myself against very high standards. When I write what I consider to be garbage, I toss it out. Goodness, when I even process a possible blog in my mind and consider it to be trash, I just set it aside until I've forgotten it.

This morning as I recognized my need to write and then also the commitment I had made (and since bailed on) to this blog, I saw the day as a fresh start. As soon as I began thinking about making a one month daily commitment to writing again, I read Seth Godin's blog (author of "Tribes" and his new book "Linchpin") on Modern Procrastination.

Thwap! Right upside the back of my head.

Writing is a choice for me. I have plenty of other things to do, things that don't actually mean much in the scheme of things. But, writing and studying are two things that are incredibly important in my life. I can waste time with the best of them and never get anything done that is important.

This is my challenge for the month of February. Every day I write something in this blog. Every day I open myself up a little bit to you. No more procrastination, no more second guessing myself, no more worrying that people will misunderstand or read too much into what I write. No more thinking about others reactions to my writing. I just have to do it.

And hey, February is the shortest month of the year, I can do this!