Dreams

I've been thinking a lot about dreams of the future.

This was panning out to be a very tough year for me. I will turn 50 in September and let me tell you, that has drained the energy right out of me. There's no way that I'm ready to hit the half-century mark. I have friends that tell me it's just a number. Other friends tell me that I don't act 50, I shouldn't be worried about it. Well ... horse-patootie. It scared me to death.

When I was 17 years old, I faced life knowing that there was nothing I couldn't learn, nothing I couldn't accomplish, nothing I couldn't do. It might take some hard work and effort, but I was fearless. When I made errors in judgment, I didn't worry about it, I had plenty of time to fix it and change the pace of my life.

I graduated from college and soon became aware that those 4 years of education really weren't going to be the focus of my career. Jobs in the music education field in 1981 were not really available. I began considering a career in Christian Education ... at least something in the church. So, I spent two years working in that type of position. I enjoyed it, but knew I needed more. No problem, let's go back to school and get a master's degree. I applied to the seminary I wanted to attend and was accepted.

Mom called. "Diane, would you consider helping me out in starting a business? It won't be for very long, just until we get some things established. Then, your dad is coming on board and you'll be free to go on."

Great. Sure. I could use the experience and mom needed me. Three years later, she had died and I was saddled with a business that required an incredible amount of my time and effort. I began to set my dreams aside so that I could keep this business going.

Nearly 20 years after that, the business closed and I was free. By this time I was married, living with way too much stuff and had responsibilities to friends and family. I was an established middle-aged woman with absolutely no memory of the dreams I had as a youth. I found a great job, one I thought would be a dream job. I was working in a church as a Communication Director. I loved my family, my friends. It should all be amazing, right?

Except there was that part of me that wondered what had happened to the dream? What had happened to the girl who believed that she could accomplish anything? Why was I limiting myself to the life that I was living? At what point did I accept the mundane world as MY world?

This is part of the baggage I was carrying into my 50th birthday.

Through extraordinary events in the last month or so, I have been reminded of the 17 year old girl that had big dreams and no fears. I had her tucked away so deeply that I'd forgotten she even existed. But, I found her again and she is just begging to be released. Imagine what I can do with the maturity of a 50 year old and the fearlessness of a 17 year old.

The thing is, I can see how God has been setting things into place and preparing me for this journey. When I thought that my existence would remain the same for the rest of my life, He knew better.

The first scripture passage that I chose to memorize in 2009 says, "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." (Isaiah 25:1)

I need to step back into His faithfulness. He and I had a lot of plans and dreams that were set into place. I walked away from them, sometimes by design, sometimes because of circumstance. The reminder that came to me is that there is absolutely no reason I can't return to those plans and dreams. And you know what? All it's going to take is a little bit of hard work and effort.