Time to Wake Up

I was rudely awakened 10 minutes ago by loud pounding. Since it woke me out of a dead sleep, I took a few seconds to orient myself and identify the source. This was also enough to wake me up cursing.

Oh yes! My dear landlord is next door (I live in a duplex) ripping walls apart again. I haven't seen them for months and the one day that I know that I can rest and relax ... they're back.

I don't know what the obsession is with the kitchen walls. They ripped those apart a year and a half ago. Why do I know they were ripping the walls apart? Because the stuff on my walls was leaping around and jumping off into the kitchen sink. The walls were jumping again today.

This is complete insanity, but since I don't know that whole story, I shouldn't judge. Right? That side of the duplex has been vacant since August 2005. They have been working on it ... albeit quite slowly ... since then. Every once in awhile, the landlord, her sister and brother-in-law and random workers will show up on a Saturday and maybe a Sunday to do some work. There have been several times when they hire teams of workers to come in - like last summer in the middle of one of the hottest weeks, when they laid concrete and pulled the air conditioning out for 3 days. Or the time another team fixed the roof last fall and HAD to use my electricity and continually popped fuses. I finally got annoyed and refused to give them access.

Oh! and the time that 7 vehicles filled up our driveway until late at night for a week, so Max parked at the dentist's office and the car was towed away because he didn't have to go to work until 10:00 the next morning and they got angry.

Then there was the night that I came home late from something at church and cars filled the driveway again. I parked the car and as I tried to go to sleep at midnight, pounding and sawing was occurring. This specific team of people had no compunctions about working late into the night ... until I called the landlord and said "stop!"

Today, they are back. 20 minutes later, the incredible pounding has stopped, but there is plenty of movement and activity. More than anything, I wish they would just rent the place so that someone could come in and establish a pattern that I can fall into again. Enough of this random crap!

I'm whining again . Just a little annoyed with the entire process. I plan on 11 more minutes of annoyance and then I must get past it so that I can enjoy my day.

Oh ... the pounding has moved to the living room now.

Fridays are da bomb!

I woke up this morning and was thankful for a Friday. Now, I have to tell you, I love my job. In fact, I don't even feel like it's a job. I feel like I get to come in and play with my friends! So, it's not like I don't enjoy being here.

But, week's worth of working ... there's something really cool about Friday. Everyone is more relaxed. We wear more comfortable clothes, I stopped for bagels before coming in to work, I have my music playing a little louder (right now, there's a lot of 70s rock and roll going on - BOSTON! love it!), the deadlines were dealt with yesterday. It's a great day!

I look forward to my weekends. They are generally a time of regeneration. I can sleep a little later, I actually have time to clean up a few areas of the house, I read, I write, I talk to my husband. It's wonderful! But, it's nice that I am no longer trying to escape the workweek when I get to Friday evening. I'm simply looking for a change of pace. Ahhhh ... the blessings of a job you love.

Tonight, I will pick up some takeout from someplace special, go home and enjoy a quiet evening with Max and the nammynools. I can't believe I have nowhere to go. Whew! This is a great thing!

Sunday morning is Palm Sunday! I love Palm Sunday. It's such a celebration. The kids get to wave palm branches, we sing HOSANNA! The rest of the week tends to go downhill from there. I'm not a big fan of Good Friday. I've never been able to 'celebrate' the death of Jesus. In fact, I won't watch movies about His life because I know that before I get to the resurrection, I have to face the death. And though I know that the same thing is going to happen time after time, I always pray that it won't. And it does ... again.

I was afraid I would be a basket case if I watched Mel Gibson's "The Passion". I tried to avoid that like the plague. But, there it was. My friends, my husband, and even my entire church went to see it as a group. How could I not? So, one more time I was trapped with a group of people and I had to watch Jesus being crucified again. It wipes me out every time. I hate violence, but to know that the Son of God has to face it because of my sin? That's too much for my poor heart to handle.

So ... I'll participate in the things that I have to and I look forward with great expectation to Easter Sunday.

There is one really wonderful thing that will happen for me next week. Millard HS Spring Break! My Wednesday night becomes free and I do believe that my Thursday night will be free. Wow! I'm going to have some time off! AHHHHH .... ain't life grand?

It's late

It's very late and I should be sleeping, but I'm not. I've been talking to my sister for the last hour+. You'd think we would have more sense than that, but obviously we don't. It's weird. I'm 47, she'll be 45 this year and sometimes we both act like we are still in high school. We're such dorks, and we try so hard to be adults.

Tonight I taught an interesting lesson to the God's Friends class. We've been studying the Book of Revelation. It's been an amazing journey. But, the weekly lessons are a lot of fun for me to develop and lead. Tonight I asked them to tell their story.

I think that we have a lot of trouble identifying our stories. Our stories of faith. We think that these stories have to be profound, or they aren't worth telling. But the simplest story can be huge when it is heard by the person who is impacted by it. And if we aren't telling the stories, people can't hear the stories.

One of the questions I asked tonight was "Who has impacted your faith walk?" Who is the person that was there when God swept you off your feet. Or at least brought you to that point. And what has been a pivotal point in your faith journey? Simple questions like, "what is your favorite Bible verse?" will cause you to begin thinking about your story. If you can answer that question and then expand the answer to include why that verse is meaningful to you ... you are telling your story.

When I was in high school, my parents discovered "Evangelism Explosion" by D. James Kennedy. It was a tool that was to be used to give a person accessibility to his/her testimony. After you dealt with your 'testimony', you were trained to be able to tell it to anyone at any time. The hardest thing for me was the fact that I had to go out to people's homes and try to encourage them to let me tell them my 'testimony'. I hated that. It was way too Jehovah's Witness / Mormon missionary for me. But, it did force me to identify how God was working in my life.

My story wasn't great or profound. I was a good kid from a good home. We had always been a solid, Christian home. But, I learned the importance of my story. So ... think about how God has changed your life. The little things ... the big things. God is always there - do you recognize His hand?

Seven Favorite Songs

I was tagged by Jacque to name my 7 favorite songs. This might just make my brain seize up! Fortunately, it's my blog and I can expound as I like. Because, you see ... there is no possible way for me to limit my lifetime musical experience to 7 songs. I don't know if I could even limit it to seven artists or composers! But, here's where I'll start:

1. 2nd Chapter of Acts and Annie Herring. This Christian group from the 70s and early 80s transformed the way I approached Christian music. Beautiful 3-part harmony. The first time I sang this, I was in 7th grade. We sang "The Son Comes over the Hill". I could barely sing, I was so wrapped up in the harmonies. They quit singing together and Annie Herring moved off on her own. She leads worship and still writes the songs that God gives to her.

2. Israel Houghton and New Breed. Their music is some of the most innovative and spiritual stuff I've heard in a long time. The chords that this guy can dream up! You know a lot of his music. "I am a Friend of God" is pretty popular. In fact, our praise band did lead that this morning in worship. I can't listen to his music without wanting to dance and lift my soul to heaven!

3. Tommy Walker's music is another style that is closer to pop. He can LEAD worship. "He Knows My Name" is one of his good ones. I took you to myspace on that link. But, there are 4 of his songs there.

4. Travis Cottrell is another of my favorites. He leads worship for Beth Moore. The boy is amazing! And, he's cute. The first time I experienced worship under his leadership, I was swept away in the excellence. Two of my favorites that he has led are "We Shall Dance" and "In Christ Alone".

5. Rich Mullins wipes me out! He died in a terrible car crash several years ago and I feel like we lost one of the most influential musicians in the 20/21st century. But, the impact of his music is still being felt. "Our God is an Awesome God" is his. The "Songs" Album is my favorite. I listen to this and weep until the end.

I tried to move past Christian music and I kept thinking of more artists that I loved. You see, I listen to music all of the time and it has impacted me for my entire life! I can not listen to music and do other things, though I am a celebrated multi-tasker. When music is playing, I have to stop and listen to it. I can have television on in the background while I'm working on other stuff ... but, music just commands me to stop and listen.

I only have two spots left and there's absolutely no way I can finish this well. I could go forever and ever! So ...

6. 70s Rock and Roll. I'm an old rocker. That's all there is to it. And the stuff from the 70s is my life. YES, Styx, Kansas, Boston, Rush, Queen, Journey, Foreigner, Pink Floyd ... the list goes on and on. The pop stuff? Oh yea ... I love that too. Bread, Three Dog Night, and then there's Earth, Wind and Fire - these guys touch the inner parts of my soul. Ach! How do I limit this?

7. Classical. I didn't grow up with the radio on - mom and dad hated pop music. So, my days as a child were filled with classical music. Beethoven's Symphonies, Bach, Chopin, Debussy. I played all of this on the piano in high school for various contest pieces and though I don't play it that well anymore, it has remained a part of me. I can work while this music is playing because it is already embedded into my synapses. I love the Russian Masters - Stravinsky, Rachmaninoff, Rimsky-Korsakoff ... I love it all!

So, no, I wasn't terribly specific on this and I suppose I should apologize. But, this is my world! As I read the scriptures, I find that music is on nearly every page. God gave Jubal the harp in Genesis - and right after that happened, people began worshiping God by name. Music and worship are inextricably linked. I can't imagine it being any other way!

Great Expectations

You know ... I always have great expectations when it comes to writing. I always think there will be more time in my day or that with the time I have left in a day, I'll be alert and creative. HAH! When reality sets in, it stinks!

I'm thankful for weekends because that really is my only time to write. I was able to finish Week 9 of the Revelation study today and let me tell you that I had to fight to find the time to do it! I woke up this morning with great expectations. Only to realize that I had left all of my notes at work. And, I had to go get food for the animals and food for my husband. I finally got all of that done and I was home by 1:30. Then, Max wanted to chat and then I was just pooped (that's another story - I wish my sleep habits were more normal ... sigh). So, I finally got around to writing about 4:30. I am writing a 5 lesson/week study. So, I had 3 1/2 lessons left to write. Yikes!

But, prayer and a bit of endurance got me to this point today. I'm finished with the week's work and tomorrow afternoon I can focus on the lesson that I have to teach. That means I desperately need to sleep well tonight so that I don't have to take a long nap tomorrow afternoon.

It occurs to me that I do a lot of complaining in this blog. Gracious, I don't think I really mean to sound that way! I am so thankful for the time that I do have to write. It will never be enough. Even when I was out of work and at home every day, I didn't have enough time to write.

But, today, God heard my cries for help. I was annoyed when Max wanted supper! {giggle}. I didn't want to have to stop writing and take care of him. As soon as I was up and dealing with his supper, the animals thought they should have a share of my time, too! As I stood outside waiting for Leica to go to the bathroom, I muttered and complained to God about all of this. I'm hoping He just laughed at me. Then, Max wanted more of my time! Just to talk to me! What was he thinking? He knew I was desperate to get these lessons finished. Again, I hope God just laughs at me. I know that I'm so very wrong with my bad attitude.

And ... I got finished after all. With God's help and patience with a mouthy, whiny girl. I'm so thankful that my life is ruled by this God. He measures justice with grace and loves us each as individuals ... right where we are. He pushes us to grow, but never stops loving us. I've got it pretty good.

Up and Down

It's been a good week ... in so many ways. But, this morning all I want to do is crawl back into bed and die. I've gotten sick. Upper respiratory crap. Am I surprised? Absolutely not. I wore this old lady out! Am I annoyed? Absolutely. But, oh well.

You see, when I get sick like this, God is generally good enough to make sure it happens so that I can have a Saturday to totally recuperate. And ... here it is ... Saturday and I have to go deal with life so that we can exist for another week and then head to the school by 1:30 for the first show of the day (Beauty and the Beast) and meet some friends for supper at 5:00 and then back to the school for the second show. Yikes!

Tomorrow, I am leading worship - it's the killer day for us. The third Sunday of the month we have all of the youth choirs singing and our team leads worship. That means I'm there at 8 am (no sleeping in for me), done by noon and back to do the final show at Bryan at 1:30.

Good heavens, I'm whining! In public! On a post that the entire world can read (thank heavens they don't). But, darn it ... I guess I'm not getting enough sympathy. And the reality is, sympathy won't do me a whit of good. It doesn't encourage extra sleep . So ... don't feel sorry for me, it occurs to me that I'm doing plenty of that for myself! (hehe)

Last Wednesday was the last day of having my workday interrupted. Thursday and Friday were amazing! I was able to think and process and create and work without having the insanity of leaving pressing me to finish tasks in a hurry. You see, I do love my job and I love going in to work each morning. I was stressed having to accomplish a full day's work in 4 hours.

I've been there ... a little over a month and a half. The first few weeks were stressful because I was trying desperately to get everything into my head. Then, I had to deal with Max's surgery and the excitement with "Beauty", just as I was starting to wrap my mind around my job. The exciting thing is that on Monday when I walk in there ... I'm actually going to have a full week ahead of me that I can 'do' things. Oh ... it's going to be great.

Max is doing well. He is back to normal ... for the most part. Except for the fact that he can't walk on one leg. He thumps around using a walker. It's much easier for him than crutches. And he is NOT bored. He spends so much time during the day listening and exposing himself to really old, old, and new music. He reads and learns and has such a good time with the internet and movies and books and music. This man is never bored. It's awesome. I think I'd be insane with a man who was begging me to entertain him while he was stuck in the house. God is good.

So, do you ever recognize God in the little things? I've spent the last 20 minutes as I was typing this in a complete and total coughing fit. Blowing my nose like crazy, hacking away, pouring water down to calm the spasms, popping drugs. But, with blow after blow, I realized that I was using "Puffs Plus" tissues, which I never buy. However, on the last excursion to Walgreens I couldn't find the pretty boxes that I wanted - so, I was stuck buying these. And today I'm very glad that happened. You can tell me it's not a gift from God, but I choose to believe that He watches the little details of my life as well as the big ones!

Why do I Blog?

Well! I got tagged outside of myspace! And because I never pass up a chance to write something down for people to read, I'll take it! And before I forget ... Rebecca ... I'm tagging you! Why do you blog.

Ok, back to it!

I've wanted to write all of my life! In fact, it was such a surge of desire going through me that I could feel it literally in my body. My hand would pick up a pen (or pencil) and be poised over a sheet of paper ... sometimes waiting for the words to pour forth! However, I could never figure out what it was exactly that I wanted to write. I've tried my hand at fiction and though I have some really fun ideas and plot lines, but I've never finished a single thing.

I really love writing about the impact that my faith has on me. That's when the tide turned for me. If I'm writing anything about Jesus Christ ... I can't stop myself. Words begin to flow out at an incredible pace.

Now, I don't know if I have anything that is so important to say that people need to read my blogs - in fact, I have no idea sometimes if anyone ever does. And, you know what? That's ok. I do love going back and rereading things I've written in the past. I see how God has helped me grow and how He has changed me.

I have found many of my mother's writings ... she was an avid writer. She died in 1987 and because her words were down on paper, I'm able to discern more about her thoughts and her life. So ...

Why do I blog? Because I love to write ... because, I love to write about how God impacts my life ... because, I love to keep a record of what is going on in my life ... and because I type faster than I handwrite. Blogging online - makes things happen quickly!

Tired

This one will be short tonight - I'm worn out. I spent 5 hours today sitting at a piano. That's nuts! My butt is tired. And I'm exhausted. But, you know what? I'm not stressed or depressed or feeling sad or anything else, just plain pooped.

For years I didn't have any outlet for piano other than playing for church. Then, I met a friend ... Jennie Hill. She had me playing for the youth choir. Then, I began playing for Canticum Novum, a classical community choir directed by her husband, who got me a gig playing for his Chancel Choir director's high school musical "Beauty and the Beast." I haven't played this much in years! And as much as it is going to wear me out these next two weeks (until "Beauty" is over) I love it. Honestly, you might never know this, but accompanying for musical theater is a passion of mine. There really is nothing more fun for me to play. I began doing it in high school, through college, into community theaters. And, though it has been a few years, there is no music more fun for me to play. There's enough of a challenge in it to make me concentrate, but it's pretty straightforward stuff and I don't have to drive myself crazy to get the notes.

However, I do have to admit that 3 hours sitting at a piano bench, intently concentrating on music wears my poor brain out!

So, if you want to see what seems to be a really good high school production of "Beauty and the Beast", I'm playing for it down at Bryan High School (47th & Giles). Performances begin next week on the 15th and I can't imagine the tickets are expensive!

As for me, if there is a note missed - I'm probably taking a nap!

Hot Flashes

Well, that was embarrassing! Tonight, as I was teaching the God's Friends study group, I had a massive hot flash. I finally had to stop speaking and just ask the ladies if they were as hot as I was? They all giggled and said 'no'. Hmmmm ... I guess that means I'm either under a hot air vent, or my body is providing it's own heat! I suspect it's the latter.

Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to die! It was so bad that I actually looked down at the page numbers on my talk to find out how much longer I was going to have to stand there and be interesting! It took everything I had to focus through that. I finally pulled out a stack of papers and began fanning myself and just kept going through it.

As soon as it was over, I sat down and began to feel a little relief. This doesn't really freak me out - I've been praying for menopause to just get here for quite a while. I'd like to get into it and just start dealing with it! All of the anticipation is killing me! I've been dealing with 'pre-menopause' for several years.

You know, growing up with my parents taught me about focus - no matter what. I've been performing in one way or another since I was very young. I distinctly remember singing in a children's choir and getting the giggles with my friends in the back row. We were sitting up in front of the congregation and we were out of control. When I got home after church that day, dad had plenty to say to me about my lack of control in front of the congregation. It was a lesson well learned. He never had to teach it to me again.

Focusing through the giggles, through pain, through angst, through whatever emotion is thrown at me is something I have learned to do. I had to learn that it wasn't about me, it was about making my audience comfortable. The greatest compliment I ever received was from a lady in one of my churches after a performance that I had given. She came up to me and though she told me that I did a great job, the compliment that made me feel the best was when she told me that she loved being in the audience when I performed because she never felt nervous. She knew that I would deal with anything that came my way, whether it was a mistake or any outside intrusion. I exuded confidence and my audience felt that - and they felt confident throughout my performance.

Well, that meant a lot to me! And it still does. I know that I'm going to make mistakes when performing, and I can handle them in any multitude of ways. But, knowing that it isn't about me, but about making my audience comfortable so that they can participate with me changes my focus. I don't have to be embarrassed if I'm prepared. It's a mistake and I can move past it.

That's one of the most difficult lessons to teach young performers. "Don't let your errors show on your face." The audience doesn't want to know that you made a mistake, they want to know that you can handle making a mistake.

So, I guess I exaggerated in the opening sentence. It really was much more entertaining than it was embarrassing. There wasn't a woman in that room tonight that didn't understand what hit me. They've either been through it or will got through a hot flash (or several). So, now they know a little bit more about me - and we have something in common we can laugh about. And laugh I shall - the body does such weird and wild things to us - I have to laugh about it!

A Glorious Day!

I am so thankful for sunshine. Though it was forecast to be 37 degrees, it is actually 41! God is so good!

This morning I was at church early to help make sure that everything would run smoothly and though I didn't do a thing, it ran quite smoothly. Oh, I take that back! As I was sitting on the front pew, the handbell choir director came to me and asked if I played. Well, actually, I have been playing since I was about 10 years old and have spent a lot of years directing handbell choirs. Two of their members didn't show up today and they needed one more person to cover. So, I had my debut in the FW Adult Bell Choir - it was great! They are actually a pretty good choir, so it's fun to play with people who know what they're doing.

I got home and it was time to do laundry. As I was pulling laundry out, I figured it was probably time to unpack the bag that Max had taken to the hospital. I pulled out the dirty stuff and as I did, I came across the things that Max decided were important to take with him. The first thing I pulled out was a pair of "Merry Christmas" boxers. I just began to laugh and laugh. Max has many, many pairs of boxers, but he packed the "Merry Christmas" ones just for this special trip. Here's where the conversation went: "Max, who pulled out the underwear from your bag when you finally got dressed on Tuesday?" "Hmmm ... I think they did, I was out of it." "Ok ... I'm pretty sure that I specifically told you not to wear those."

Well, I was right - I had told him not to wear them, but I guess I didn't realize I needed to tell him not to pack them! The other funny thing? He packed 3 extra pairs of socks. I wonder what he thought he was going to do with that many socks, when more than likely there would be one foot that wouldn't see a sock until the middle of May! This is why these poor men need us, right?

Oh ... and by the way ... as soon as I pulled out the "Merry Christmas" boxers and started laughing at him, I told him that I was probably going to be blogging about that. He just giggled. Fortunately, my husband knows that he is a dork and I love him no matter what.

I bought the new scented Tide (Lavendar and Vanilla) to do my laundry. Max generally does laundry for us - he likes being able to contribute to the activities of the household that way. It's ok for him to be macho about it when he uses the bold red bottle of Tide. However, the lavendar color and lavendar scent was a bit too girly for him, so he hasn't let me purchase it. Well, I'll be doing laundry for quite awhile and I figure that he's going to have to put up with the smell now. I'm awfully abusive, eh? (hehe)

I think it's time for a nap. I have a lot of work to do this evening. If you're in the midwest, I hope you are as thankful as I am for the sunshine. If you're in a locale with temperatures in the 60s or 70s ... I just don't want to hear about it!

FREEDOM!!!

My sister Carol is a wonderful person. She came over this morning and between the two of us, released my car. I can leave the house now. And I did. Just to run a couple of errands. I had to pick up dry cleaning and some cat food. All important things in my world. Actually, Carol drove, but I LEFT THE HOUSE!!! I have been here in a very small space with Max since Wednesday at 3:30. I love and adore him, but I needed to breathe some fresh air.

The day is glorious! The sun is shining, roads (that have been plowed) are clear, people are smiling again. Ahhhh .... the joy of it all. For as thankful as I was that we had that blizzard and it stuck me at home to care for my husband, I am more thankful than ever that it is over and that I can move throughout the city again.

I need to do a little more shoveling this afternoon and then head out to the grocery store. Now that I know Max's limitations, I know what I need to get for him to exist in the house while I'm gone. Because from here on out - I'm not going to be home much. He's going to have to fend for himself.

He can put absolutely no weight on the ankle, which means he walks around using a walker. This is fine, but he can't carry much of anything. It was quite funny in the middle of the night to see him coming back from the bathroom after stopping at the refrigerator for a bottle of water. The bottle was in his mouth! That woke me up, but not enough to get up and help him. I was too far out of it.

See how far we've come? In just a couple of days, he is gaining back lots of independence and I feel comfortable about leaving him alone. He doesn't have to rely on me for everything anymore. Whew! This is awesome.

Cabin Fever?

Another day and the meterologists are telling us we aren't done with the blizzard. More snow is coming tonight (ok, it's only one or two more inches, but still!) and the wind will not die down. Today is the first time in many years that I'm sorry I didn't have children. I need the little stinkers to help dig us out. Fortunately my sister is coming over to help me tomorrow. Yikes!

Max and I are camping out in a very small living room. It's a good thing he isn't terribly mobile. If he was moving in and out of my space I might have to scream. But, that big ole cast on his leg is keeping him in one place. That's a good thing.

Today has been a much better day for him! He slept and slept and slept and slept last night and this morning. If I hadn't heard him snoring away, I would have been concerned. I woke up about 7:30 this morning and started working on stuff for church. I LOVE logmein.com. I can completely access my work computer and act like I'm right there. I got a lot of things done and didn't have to leave the house. In fact, I probably got more done from home than I would have in the office. People tend to talk to me a lot - and though I love it, it messes with my schedule.

He finally woke up about 11:30 and has been moving around ever since. The epidural bruising is lessening and he is able to move himself around again. Whew! I don't have to fully nursemaid him anymore. Now, it's just down to cooking and running for him. Believe it or not, I went upstairs to his computer and installed 'logmein' up there so that he can access his music server from the laptop down here. Oh, we're a sick, techie family.

He's still awake at this point and that makes me feel better. I've been hoping and praying for the anesthesia to release it's hold on him. I'd rather have him alert while he's in my space (hmmm ... am I possessive of this space? I guess so). At least then we get to have interesting conversations. Right now he's listening (in his headphones) to the Beethoven Symphonies and commenting on the fact that at least one movement from each is familiar to the world. Ahhh, but there are two from the 5th Symphony that are familiar. Do you have these types of weird conversations at your house?

I am going to need him to shave soon. He got a haircut last week and had her shave him down pretty close to the scalp. The poor man doesn't have a lot of hair anyway, but this one was a little too close to 'skinhead' for me. Now with a heavy beard growth and very little hair on his head, he's starting to look a bit like something from a very bad neo-Nazi group. I thought I wanted him to have a beard and moustache. I think I don't want that so much anymore.

God has been good with this snow, but I think we've moved past good to 'too much of a good thing'. I am feeling better about leaving Max alone now - I think he can probably take care of himself at this point and I'm ready to get back out into the world. I have shopping to do (the cats are going to get hungry when I run out of cat food) and I really am going to need to get a Diet Mountain Dew soon.

Tomorrow is another day. I've had some stresses this week, but you know what? It's been a good week. God is still good ... all the time.

God is Faithful

"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

It's a good thing that God is marvelous. It makes me thankful that I'm a part of His creation. You know, it's really much easier to be thankful and praise Him for His goodness than it is to spend a lot of time complaining and whining. Max and I watched an old "Law and Order" this evening and one of the characters was a man who could not deal with the fact that his wife had been murdered 4 years prior. He was still angry and hurt and in great pain. If it hadn't been for the fact that he was a character in a television show, I wanted to tell him about Jesus Christ! That kind of anger and pain only perpetuates more anger and pain. I once heard a pastor say that unforgiveness is poison that only affects the person who refuses to forgive. And I think that the same thing goes for my relationship with God.

In my last blog "Snow Day, Lazy Day", I talked about complaining and being angry with God. I guess I learned about the fact that the Psalms teach us about those types of interactions with God from Beth Moore. I heard her say once that David, in essence, gave us permission to have that type of relationship with our Creator.

What I learned from my mother was that though we would have a wild and very vocal argument, it would be over with in 20 minutes and one or the other of us would approach the other and ask for forgiveness. Honestly, there were times that we weren't ready to forgive, we were just too angry. But, our relationship was so strong, that though it might take a few more minutes for us to calm down, we were always confident that forgiveness would come and the relationship would probably be stronger when we were done. The air was cleared, forgiveness had occurred and we still loved each other. I'm thankful for the safe relationship I had with her. I carried that into my relationship with my sister, but she didn't feel as safe with me as mom and I did. It took a lot of years for her to realize that anger wasn't necessarily the beginning of the end of a relationship. HAH! And we grew up in the same house together.

But, this experience with my mother is why I can fall apart all over God, throw my tantrum, question His actions in my life and still, by the end of the week be praising Him for His goodness in my life. I feel safe with Him! I know that He loves me ... through all of my insanity and my self-centeredness, He loves me.

And tonight, at the end of a long week, I am just so thankful for a God who comforts me, allows me to cry while holding me close and encourages me to fall at His feet in worship.

Snow Day - Lazy Day

Wow, I've not accomplished much around here today. It's been wonderful. In fact, I don't have these types of days very often.

I'm not letting Max go upstairs - hah, the poor guy couldn't make it upstairs. So, he is sleeping on the couch this week. Last night I wasn't comfortable leaving him alone, so I tried to nest in the living room. The air mattress (notice that was air mattress, not air bed) was as uncomfortable as it could possibly be for a 47 year old lady with bad knees. Then, I tried the wing chair with the ottoman extended. And I slept ... for about 3 hours. Whew.

I got another nap on the chair this afternoon. But, late morning was great. Max decided he was a little claustrophobic and didn't want to be on the couch any longer. So, up he got ... and we got him all cleaned up, teeth brushed, hair washed and he's more comfortable getting up and down. Whew! Independence is approaching!

So ... my day has been a lot of 'not much'. I did some cooking, I'm pretty much at Max's beck and call and I've taken a nap. Hmmm ... fairly profound! (hehe) And it's been wonderful. I have lots I could be doing, but you know what? There is nothing I have to do.

I continue to be so thankful for a God who loves me and cares for me even when I'm stressed out. Last week at the Ash Wednesday service, Dr. Delp taught about a friendship with God. Sometimes it involves complaining at God (read Psalm 44 - David complains!). Sometimes it involves yelling at God. He quoted Joni Eareckson Tada who said she would rather be yelling at God than walking away from Him. That's exactly how I feel about God! I have stood in my office and yelled at God, just furious at the way I felt I was being treated. I've thrown tantrums before Him, everything I do with my family. I don't generally let my friends see that bad behavior, it would embarrass me . But, when Dr. Delp said that, my friend Jennie poked me and said "You do that!" And I began to cry as I realized that I do have a relationship with God that makes it comfortable for me to yell at him, cry, whine, complain as well as praise him, thank him, strive to please him. I have a relationship with Him!!! We're friends ... actually ... we're family! That's just joyful to me.

So, when things fall apart, I may panic and worry and stress and cry and whine, but I always know that I am in those great big hands of my Father. Even though it seems painful at the time, God will care for me through it. God is good ... all the time. All the time, God is good.

Snow Day

I've finally discovered what causes our church office to close: lots of snow, lots of snow, lots of snow. Not just a normal snow, but a blizzard. We have a blizzard warning in effect until 6:00 this evening. I can only pray that people will stay off the streets. I am!

You know what? God proves to me over and over again how He cares for me. All I have to do is look for the blessing.

I brought Max home from the hospital yesterday afternoon about 3:30. And I quickly discovered that he was going to need a lot more immediate care from me. The failed epidural puncture is making it impossible for him to move around. The incredibly heavy cast makes it all that much more difficult. Since he is still flushing the intense drugs from his system and his body is producing antibodies to fight off the intrusion to it, all he does is sleep. He wakes up long enough to go to the bathroom, but even that requires my assistance right now. The poor guy hates putting me out like that - it goes against his basic nature, but it's quite necessary and I can care for him in whatever way is necessary.

It really concerned me that I would be leaving him today to deal with all of the things necessary in my world, and then the snow hit. I can't leave him. I have another full day to help him as he draws himself out of the anesthetic stupor. God is so good!

The only thing (and what a small thing) that is stressing me out is that all of my notes and my flash drive are at work. I can't work on the Revelation study at all today. So, what does this mean to me? I'm not sure! I have a completely free day. I can work on whatever I want to work on or read whatever I want to read. I can watch television and just relax if that's what I want to do. I'll get back to you on this.

So far this morning, I've been watching recorded episodes of one of my favorite television shows - Star Trek: Voyager. I'm a complete sci fi geek. I missed a lot of these episodes when it originally aired because I had a life and it kept intruding on my television viewing. For that I'm always grateful. But, I'm also grateful right now for my husband's tech-geekiness. I have a television card in the computer and can record shows right into my computer. That means that when Max is watching football or baseball or something weird and wild, I can be watching things that I have recorded in the past ... at my computer. And, like right now, it's playing in the background while I type and do other things. I'm not watching the video, but Max says it's like listening to an old-time radio show.

Here I am ... stuck in my home and loving it. P.S. The poor dog isn't liking this weather at all. She went out in a panic this morning and turned right around and came back in. The wind was blowing and chilling her to the bone. She finally accepted the need for a quick run to the outside, but it's going to be a struggle all day long! (hehe)

As your plans for the day have been altered, will you use them for a blessing or will you insist on rushing around like you normally do?