Guilt

See, I also feel really guilty about spending any time at working ... writing my blog. I know I should be working on things that are productive in my world. Now, I'll be honest with you, I pretty much work 10 hours days at a minimum, and I'm the ultimate multi-tasker (this morning I actually had four printers working at the same time from my computer ... life was good and getting complete!). So, why should I feel guilty? Well, you can blame Dad for that. If we EVER sat down on a Saturday morning and he happened to pass by, he'd ask us what we were doing and if there wasn't something we should be doing. If we deigned to look askance at him, he would find things for us to do.

Carol and I managed to carry that behavior into our adult lives and the idea of sitting around with nothing to do during the work day is difficult. For poor Carol, it's difficult for her to sit around doing nothing even into the evenings! Reading a book was fine, but we had to be doing something productive with our time.

When I was 'not working' last fall, I was actually staying quite busy writing my Revelation study. I got up in the morning and began researching or writing. Every day! I had people tell me that they couldn't believe I was actually able to stay disciplined about that habit. Oh my! I had owned a business for the last 20 years and before that I had been living in my father's home. I didn't have a choice with this. It was either stay focused and busy ... or scream! I made the correct choice.

All of that to say, I feel guilty for writing this blog at work. And I shouldn't. And I shan't. I remember making a conscious choice to eliminate guilt from my life when mom was dying. I recognized immediately that guilt was one of those things that took up time in a short life. And hey, most of my guilt through my lifetime was from mom ... if she was dying ... this emotion needed to die as well!

I suppose I should also do more blogging while at work. That's where and when all of the interesting things happen. By the time I get home at night, I struggle to recall the conversations and things of interest that happened to me during the day. Let me tell you, I have a LOT of conversations!

So, here's the deal. I have two thought processes pulling at me and I'm not being very successful in blending them: 1) Guilt over blogging at work, 2) forgetfulness and vegetative state at home.

Hmmm ... what will I end up doing?

p.s. just for those of you who don't know me very well ... I will probably end up doing the same thing I have since I started this blog. I don't enact change very well in my life ... status quo is what I do.