Time Alone

The last couple of days have been amazing. I've had time by myself ... extended time by myself. Max and I came home from Christmas at my brother's house on Tuesday evening and he went to work Wednesday morning. I was alone! I don't get much time by myself. Yesterday I watched movies and did some rearranging of stuff (including elimination of junk). It was great.

This morning, though, I feel a bit more thoughtful and feel like I want to spend some time in my thoughts. I'm not sure what I'm planning to find or even what I'm planning to search for, but I enjoy the quiet. I actually looked for movies to watch again today, but upon finding none, the decision was easily made to turn off the television. As soon as I take Leica outside and toast myself a bagel, I will pull out my Bible and begin asking some questions of God. Nothing too terribly probing, but I do have some things I need to spend time listening to Him about.

Last year I had been asked to write a study on death. Due to many things, I decided not to write that study. But, this year has been a year filled with the deaths of people I love. My father and his brother John died in April, my cat, Howard died in September. Max's mother died in September and in November a very close friend died. On Monday, my Uncle Art (Dad's other brother) died and just yesterday, Jennie called to tell me that her grandfather had been in a car accident and wasn't expected to live.

Now, all of that combines with other extreme losses - Insty-Prints closed just over a year ago - I lost my business and my daily activity. The day after Max's ankle replacement surgery, he found out that CompUSA was closing and he was losing his job. We have spent the last 8-9 months living on one salary and though it has been tough, God has been extremely gracious to us financially. Money has shown up when it was least expected and most needed. Our needs were more than met and generosity remained a part of my life.

It seems that we have been dealt extremes in the loss department this year, coincidentally the year that I decided not to write a study on loss, grief and death.

But, to be honest with you, this hasn't felt like a year of loss, grief and death. Oh, it definitely feels like a year of change, but I have never been disheartened. In fact, I don't know if I have ever come as close to God in the throneroom as I have over the course of all of these events. But, even then, those events have not been the catalysts for me to enter into the presence of God.

While I know that they have been significant in my life, the most incredible things that have happened to me over this last year have not come as a result from any of those losses. Ok, just one ... the closing of Insty-Prints removed 98% of the stress from my life so that I allowed myself to be at peace and to actually spend time listening to God and spending time with Him. I wasn't begging Him to help me with a floundering business, I was asking Him what it was that He wanted me to do.

And He told me ... over and over. Whenever I came before Him asking what I was to do next, I received an answer.

I do not believe that I am ready for the next steps on the journey with Him, but I do believe He is going to take me there anyway. I hesitate to call 2007 a year in the wilderness, but in the eyes of the world, I guess it would be just that.

When Moses was in the wilderness with the people of Israel, he spent an incredible amount of time with God. Wandering in the wilderness allowed him the time to receive instruction. For Moses, that had to be a treasured time. Though he didn't get to see the promised land, the people of Israel were given the opportunity to see the end of their wilderness walk. The crossed into the land of milk and honey. And while their human leadership changed, God never changed.

I have learned many things over this last year, not the least of which is what it feels like to actually be in the presence of God while I am worshipping, praying, interceding and learning from Him. I recognize that experience now and I remember it from my younger days when I constantly found ways to be close to Him.

God is surrounding me with people that are not afraid of proclaiming His work in their lives. We can affirm each other in what we are experiencing.

So, today I want to stop reflecting on what has already occurred and begin praying for the things that are about to happen. I am so excited. God is the creator of heaven and earth. He is the CREATOR! He is the King of Kings ... all of the rulers of this earth will bow to Him. All creation sings His glory. And yet, He cares for one individual person. Oh, thank you God!