Thursday, July 01, 2010

Cave person ... solitude

I just walked around the place, shutting off lights as I went and chuckled a little.  Carol calls me a cave person because I don't mind working in minimal light.  The girl walks into a space and flips on every single light! Ok, so she likes to see. 

There might be a couple of things behind this attitude of mine.  I hate fluorescent lights.  Hate them!  When I was working at the church, the overhead lights all went off in our office and I gathered lamps around me.  When I was at Insty-Prints, if one or two of the fluorescents over my desk went out, I just asked to have them stay that way.

Dad hated overhead lights and so we had lamps all over the place.

Then, I also grew up during the 70s and the energy crisis.  Dad was always making a big deal about turning lights off.  I must've spent a few years as the energy warden, because I am obsessive about switching off unused light in a room.

So, into the cave I go and I'm fine with that.  Now, to be fair (to me), I do have two lamps that are switched on so that I have plenty of light in my space.  But, Carol would still say that I'm working in a cave. 

If I live in a cave and I spend a lot of time by myself writing, reading, studying and learning ... you might also call me a hermit!  Another freakin' trait I got from Dad.  That man would come home from work, eat supper and head for his room.  He'd read, listen to music - anything to wind down from hanging around people all day.  That was all fine with us because then he wasn't coming up with things for us to do.

I really enjoy being alone.  There are plenty of people in my world that I communicate with, but wow, I think about all those years that I spent 12-14 hours a day with people around me all the time and I'm not sure how I did it.  If I look back in my journals and my old blog, I notice that I was constantly exhausted, always looking for peace and never being able to find quiet.  I craved solitude and didn't realize how much I needed it.  It is good for me to be quiet.

Tonight, the sun is falling in the sky, the breeze is light, the temperature is perfect, the birds are singing and I am quiet.  I've spent the day cleaning and organizing and my body feels wonderfully exhausted.  Tomorrow will be another glorious day and I will simply feel grateful.


Anonymous said...

I also crave solitude. I have a happy place in my mind, but I'd love to make it a reality. Would that be running away? Maybe. Sometimes it's hard to balance the choices I've made in life with the life I sometimes want in my head. Does that make sense?

Diane Muir said...

I think that we've become too acquiescent to the demands of society that we go faster, do more and achieve greater things all the time. While I think that we have to go after our dreams to be content, I do believe that we have forgotten what quiet and solitude is all about. It's not running away, it's allowing ourselves a chance to be exactly who we are without the pressures that society places on us.

I worry a lot about choosing solitude over the craziness of the life people seem to expect from me - whether they are friends or family. But I've also discovered that I'm much happier making these choices and that makes everything around me better.

...and I get better sleep!!!