What does God want from me?

Now, while the title of this blog could easily begin a whining rant about how tough things are in my life, I don't plan for it to turn out that way.

I really am curious - and I guess that I spend way too much time thinking about that! Before you tell me that I could better spend my time doing something else, please know that I simply spend a lot of time thinking and this is something that a lot of us really would like an answer to. We believe that we hear God's call on our lives and we move forward according to that call. When we don't feel anything or 'hear' anything from God, we tend to keep moving in the last known direction, hoping that we're doing what it is that God is wanting from us.

I have a couple of friends that hear from God on a regular basis. He is present within their thoughts and their hearts nearly all the time and when He is quiet within them, it's painful. I've never had that activity going on inside me. When God is quiet around me, I sense that it is because I'm too busy and have allowed things around me to press in on all sides. My mind can no longer process on the things of God.

Does God ever wear you out? Oh, He does me. You have to be at the top of your game to be in constant contact with the Creator of this Universe. Now, isn't that an interesting statement! Because I know that when I am weak, He is strong and that through my weakness, He is able to be so much more within me.

But, in so many ways that is interpreted incorrectly. It doesn't mean I have to be a weak 'pray-er' or a weak studier, or a weak giver, or a weak worshiper. It means that I have to turn my will over to Him. To spend a lifetime on earth in His presence, I have to be ready for this! I have to learn to pray with His strength. I can't do that if I don't have the fortitude to go before Him and actually pray at the foot of His throne. To worship Him, I have to have a broken soul, a soul that is ready to pour out everything I have. To study His word, I need to be willing to learn all that I can regarding that Word - and you know what, that requires me to be at the top of my game!

I refuse to offer a half-baked Christian attitude to God in order that He can use me. I need to learn to pray as an intercessor, I need to learn to study His word. For me personally, that means that I read everything I can when I am studying a passage and that I may need to learn Greek and Hebrew so that I can understand all of the nuances fof a passage - not just the English translation. In order to worship and to lead worship, I need to not only rehearse and be prepared for the event, but I need to come before God and allow Him to be everything that I worship.

And He wears me out. What other thing in my life do I have that should require such an investment of my life and a sacrifice of all that I've been given? What else is there? My husband, my family, my job ... none of these things are as important as the Creator who gave me life. I would set aside everything for Him. (Don't worry, I'm not being crazy - trust me, there would be some massive whining and screaming if I was really asked to do any of that.)

As I've been writing this and praying while I wrote this, I realized what it is that God wants from me.

Singleness of heart and mind and soul. It occurs to me that God wears me out because I move back and forth between accessing His throne and playing in the world. I'm a terrific multi-tasker. You will rarely find me only doing one thing at a time. If I can set several projects into motion at the same time I'm quite happy. I knit while I read. Sometimes the television is on as well and I'm absorbing that information. If I'm playing a game online - I also have a video playing online.

But, God doesn't want me to multitask in His presence. Singleness of heart, mind and soul.

Now ... what God really wants is for His church to be united on that same front. He's tired of us battling each other. He's calling us to focus on the only important thing - Him. You see, we don't have to do it, we don't have to cause things to happen in His church, we don't have to work that hard. All we have to do is trust Him ... together.

He still wears me out. A day will come when I no longer move back and forth from His throne to the world. When it does, there will be no more tears or weariness ... there will only be God. But, until that day, I'm going to embrace God's weariness, because when I'm worn out ... I know I've been close to Him and He will sustain me in that weakness.

Oh God! Hear the groanings of my heart ... let your people be united ... let us hear from You and do Your will.