Trying Windows Live Writer

Max told me this evening about a new blog editor.  So, I'm trying it and so far?  Totally easy.  I downloaded it, sent it to my blog location and I'm writing already!  Let's check a few things out.  Because I'm a weirdo, you have to put up with my psychosis.

Max and I have been laughing over Chris Crocker.  Have you seen this guy?

But, if you have seen that - you have to also enjoy Seth Green's parody of the thing.  By the way, if you haven't clicked yet ... it's not necessarily all 'clean' language.

Well, while you are enjoying those crazy videos, I'm actually pretty impressed!  It was a cinch to add them and to resize the video space on my blog.  Alright ... that was easy, now what else can I do!

Hmmm!!!

Well, that was fun - I can insert a map!  And what I chose was the one thing that Max will never get me to do - traveling the Chunnel from England to France.  I will take the ferry, thank you very much!

Ok, and I can move entire paragraphs up and down or re-size each paragraph separately by using the handles. 

This isn't a terribly interesting blog to you - but I certainly had a good time learning about a new program.  We'll see what happens next!

Are We Done Yet?

Max asked me last night if I thought we were close to being done for the year. Done with loss and massive change, done with death. Done. My response was "I doubt it."

This is what I've learned about God. Things are always changing around Him. When I'm not changing, I'm not within His will. I've also learned that crisis brings me closer than anything else to God's heart. When I'm in crisis, I pray harder, longer and deeper than any other time. I'm beginning to think that God must 'miss' me when things are going well!

I'm also learning that every crisis or rough time or great change is tempered by God's mercy. As I learn to get through these times by relying on His strength instead of my own, I recognize that little bits of me are dropping away and more of God is entering in. I will never get to the point where people see only God in me. I'm too independent and God and I will probably fight over this personality until the day I finally die. I don't necessarily like it that way, but it's my reality.

Doesn't it seem like it would be easier to simply relinquish myself to God? Why, yes it does! And it's not like I don't want to.

So, no. I don't think we're done yet. Poor Max is married to me and God has a lot of work to do in my life. The only fortunate thing is that I'm married to Max. I've never met a man with a stronger, simpler faith. I'm guessing that God knew what He was doing when He brought us together. Max and I tend to balance each other pretty well. Even when it comes to working through our faith.

Another Passing

This morning as I was getting ready to go to work, Max's phone rang. It was his older sister. His mother died in the night. While we are really thankful that the period of waiting is over and that her life has finally ended here while beginning in heaven, I know that he is mourning.

Max placed the end of Rose's life into God's hands last week as he and his sister, Kendra laid hands on her and prayed for her. It was simply a matter of time until her body gave up the fight to be on this earth and released her. And now that has happened.

He'll be going back to Ohio for the funeral. We're not sure what day this is going to happen yet, the day will bring more answers.

In all things, God reigns as Lord. There is no time in our lives when this is more obvious than in death. The final victory, the final acquiescence to His Lordship.

Max will miss his mother, but he isn't sad at her passing. This is the hardest thing for me to explain! How something so sad and dreadful for so many people is such a joyous experience for us. She has left behind a body that was in constant trauma and a life that was a struggle. The throneroom of our Creator is her next stop. Now, really ... could it get any better than that?

Indian Summer

I lied last night in my post. I was so happy about fall being here and ecstatic over the fact that I no longer had to whine about the weather. Then, I took Leica out this morning at 5:30 and was struck by the humidity and warmth. Ack!

I just checked the weather online:

Monday - 90
Tuesday -81
Wednesday - 80
Thursday - 85
Friday - 88
Saturday - 83
Sunday - 85

I've decided to go back to whining.

My own bed

It is a good thing ... that bed of mine. Ahhh .... We got home this afternoon and I took a nap. It was beautiful. Now, I'm preparing to enjoy a full night's sleep! In my own bed.

I'm leading Disciple I this year. It's going to be a great year. The Sunday night group is pretty terrific. There are close to 20 people participating. Needless to say, small group breakouts are important. I didn't do that this evening and it became quickly obvious to me that only a few people in the group were responding to questions and discussion. So ... I break them up and cause participation to happen. The only thing that I hope happens this year is that this group is able to catch a bit of the passion that I have for the Word of God and that they have some in-depth exposure to the Bible.

I'm also leading Disciple I on Thursdays with a bunch from the staff there. That will be another fun class.

We were talking to some friends this evening about restaurants. Last night at dinner with Max's siblings we were talking about how we spend too much time at chain restaurants and I had to beg forgiveness. We do not have a Bob Evans restaurant here in Omaha. The closest one is in Kansas City. I love that chain! Would it be that difficult to move into the Omaha market? I don't think so. The other place that I always try to stop at when traveling through Iowa is the Machine Shed. Fortunately I don't have to travel so far to eat there. The closest is in Des Moines.

Goodness, what a whiny person I am. And no, I'm not investing in a franchise to bring those to Omaha - I'll never do that again. So ... I'm going to keep whining.

Speaking of whining. My summer of whining about the heat is nearly over! The weather has been absolutely gorgeous around here! In fact, a little chilly! This is fabulous! Fall has arrived.

We still don't know anything new about Max's mother. She's hanging in there for some reason. I guess that's one of the things I love about being a child of God. I discover over and over (like it's new information each time) how perfect His timing really is. If I just allow Him to be God and I act like His child, things go so much better and I feel so content and peaceful about things.

Tonight at Disciple, we discussed "Wonder". What is it about God that is 'wonderful' and 'awesome' to you. Do you look at simple things and recognize the extraordinary creativity of God? Think about those things. ... Good night!

A quick update - HOME!

We just got home - and I'll officially admit we're nuts. We lay in bed last night - unable to fall asleep. Both of us were worrying about going to sleep when we knew we had to get up early to get on the road. Finally I said, "let's just start driving". Max jumped in the shower and I packed everything up. We were on the road by 1:30 am. I drove and he slept. I 'power-drove' through Ohio and Indiana and stopped when we were at the bottom of the gas tank - Danville, Illinois (border of Indiana and Illinoi). Max woke up, we gassed up and prepared ourselves for another drive. There are weird people out and about at 4:30 in the morning.

I curled up with Leica and a blanket and Max drove us through Illinois. We stopped at the Machine Shed for breakfast in Davenport, gassed up and headed out again. A few rest stops and another driver transition and we're home.

Rose is hanging in there. We have no idea how long she will last, but I'm glad to have Max home in time to prepare for his interview and get things ready to go back to Ohio for the funeral. Southwest has some great prices on flights.

I'm going to crash and burn - then head to church to lead Disciple I tonight and back home to sleep the sleep of the exhausted tonight. I can't wait!

The cat is really glad to see me - and I'm glad to see my bed ...back later!

Prayer and Study, Peace and Quiet

While Max is spending time with his family, I've been hanging out here at the hotel. It's a pretty wonderful place. They even have a small garden area. This afternoon I took Leica out to the grassy garden area and discovered the garden with picnic tables and beautiful flowers and trees. I took my Bible and enjoyed the beauty of the day while Leica nosed around and curled up in the sunshine. Glorious!

I'm glad Max got here last night. His mom knew that he had shown up and by the time he got over there this morning, she was fading even more. He and his sister, Kendra, laid hands on her, prayed for her and invited her to move on. Pretty cool, eh? Kendra really needed him to be here for that. Their older sister is pretty emotionally cold. Their older brother has eliminated himself from most of the emotions of the family and while he was pretty broken up while in the room with Max, won't involve himself in the business of death. Kendra has worked with Hospice for many years now, death doesn't freak her out. Death doesn't freak Max out either. So ... the two of them were able to take care of each other this afternoon.

Now I'm just waiting for him to call me or come back to the hotel. His mother is pretty near death - we'll see what happens.

So ... it doesn't take much to make me cry. Why do I say that? Well, my husband laughs at me because I cry at the drop of a hat. In fact, I just cried at an episode of "Monk". Sheesh. I'm glad he's not here to watch that.

What makes you cry?

On the Road Again

I'm settled in. And much as I hate to admit it, this is going to be a glorious weekend for me. Not so much for Max. The poor guy has a lot ahead of him. My only job is to do whatever I can to support him through this. I don't have to make any family decisions, I don't even have to be part of the plans. I just have to be here for Max. Now, that's just the coolest thing ever. I can do that!

We actually ended up leaving last night about 9:00. Max had gotten another desperate call from his sister, begging him to hurry out here. So, we took off. Was I packed and ready? Of course not. Why would I be? I had planned to get everything together last night, sleep the sleep of the righteous (hahahahah) and get up early this morning to get on the road. We dashed home after Soul Seekers, threw things into bags (oh, I hope I have everything. I made sure we had underwear and socks ... and Advil) and loaded up the car. Off we went.

We drove to the big I-80 Truckstop just west of Davenport and the Illinois border. And we slept ... in the car ... We got there about 2:30 - did the bathroom thing, pulled into a really wonderful space beside a bunch of other sleeping drivers and snoozed. Max was actually out for about 3 1/2 hours. I finally woke him up at 6:00 am. I had been fully awake since 5:15 and was tired of waiting for him to figure it out. We drove onto the interstate and headed east.

This trip is not the most fun trip in the world. You think I say that because of the circumstances? Ummm ... well, ok. But, driving across Iowa is a little bit better since they increased the speed limit to 70 mph. Illinois is 65. And as soon as you cross the border into Illinois you are assaulted with signs telling you of all the things that you can do to ensure immediate imprisonment and/or huge fines. They even warn you about cigarette smuggling! Did I miss the point where we actually lived in the UNITED states? Goodness.

The best thing about Illinois is the Bob's Big Boy restaurant in Danville - just on the Illinois/Indiana border. Max loves that place, so we always make a point to stop. We got there just at 10:45 am. He ordered the Big Boy sandwich (a burger). Such a nut. But he loves it.

Indiana raised the speed limit to 70 mph. While this might sound terrific, there are a few issues in Indiana. One of them is Indianapolis. The other is incredible construction. Any of you Omahans who think we have it bad have no idea. This was nuts! And some of the worst construction is around Indianapolis. Oh good heavens, but that is an ugly city to try to circumnavigate. It is only 164 miles from Danville to Richmond, Indiana (on the Indiana/Ohio border). Oh, and the other issue was that we lost an hour due to the time change as soon as we crossed into Indiana. The trip seemed to take forever!

We reached the Ohio border and back to 65 mph we dropped. Plenty of policement in the medians ready for excitement. So, we had to stay legal.

Actually, as I figure it out, we did just fine on time. We were so exhausted from the wierd night that it just seemed really painful. I was so tired of being in the car, I wanted to scream. Poor Max was getting awfully sleepy - and we only had 45 minutes to go. We were grateful to see Columbus.

Westerville is a suburb on the east side of Columbus. This is where Max's mother is right now. Max also has a sister that lives here. We are staying at the Baymont Inn. What a great spot! Ethernet access to the internet - so, I don't have to worry about intermittent wi-fi access, a fridge and microwave, front door access so I can get Leica out to potty in the early morning and they had 'drive-through check-in'! What a riot! That made things really easy.

We got here, Max took a shower and then a nap. While he was sleeping, I made some calls, got the internet working, worked a bit from here at church (I love logmein.com) and talked to Carol and Jennie. Then, I ordered pizza to be delivered. Really different - kind of like LaCasa in Omaha, but simply amazing! Max woke up for the pizza and has taken off to see his mom. We'll see how things go and I'll be sure to let you all know here. I'm staying with the dog and will go tomorrow if he wants me to. I know that, more than anything, she wants to spend time with him.

He's here now ... and knows that if she was waiting for him to get here so that she could say goodbye, the end might be really close.

This has been a very strange year. Death and loss have been a big part of our lives. Two jobs lost, my father, a cat and now Max's mom. I could stress about this and feel really sorry for myself. But, that just doesn't seem right!

You see, I KNOW that death is the natural end to life and change (job changes) is nearly always for the better. And I KNOW that God is the one in control of life. The more than I can allow Him to control my life, the easier it is to accept the changes and flow through them. God is so amazing. I can't begin to describe the joyous occurrences that have happened for us this year, but God is always there to care for us.

I will ask for a couple of prayers. 1) God will let us know what is happening with Rose (Max's mom). You see ... we're coming back on Sunday to Omaha if she's still alive. There are so many convoluted things with this timing stuff. Max has an interview on Tuesday. He's been out of work since ... well ... May. We really need him to be working. BUT, if she dies tonight or tomorrow and they have the funeral on Monday, we'll both be able to attend. If she dies later, I probably won't come back with him for the funeral.

1) Timing to be in God's will. I know that His timing is perfect. So, I need patience to wait and see what He will do.

2) Max's interview - that it happens - that it goes well -that it leads to a job. And if this isn't the job that Max is supposed to have, then I pray THAT job shows up soon! {hehe}.

3) Max's family and all of the 'stuff' that happens when death is occurring or has occurred. There's a lot of garbage to handle.

4) A peaceful death for Rose. She's had an amazing life. She is 86 and her body is worn out.

Thank you all for prayers as we traveled. I'll write more later!

No time to breathe

The last few days have been absolutely nuts. I've been moving through the days so quickly, I barely have time to be nice to my friends! This is not how I like living my life. But, this week, it's my reality.

Max and I are taking off tomorrow morning to head to Ohio. His mother has been placed in hospice care and he has to take the time to head out there to see her. We always have a good time traveling together, so it will be nice to hang out with him.

Getting out of here is the insanity that is my life. Things at church are so overwhelmingly busy that I have a lot of work to do. But, while I have all that work, I have all of these things in the evenings that preclude me staying late to do it. Argh! Now, you might want to tell me I could have planned better, but I'm not taking that . I had planned quite well, to be honest. What I didn't need was everyone else coming up with emergency projects that needed to be done before I left. For heaven's sake, I'm only going to be gone two days! At this point, I'm just going to be glad to get in the car tomorrow morning.

If you'd like, now is the time to look at me and say "Whine, whine, whine!" And you'd be right. What a whiny girl I'm being. I have a great job, I love it and I have time to head out of here to get to a family emergency. At least I have something to whine about!

We did end up putting my cat to sleep Monday morning. Monday was kind of a tough day. Max and I just stared at each other Monday night. The house was a bit emptier. Now, I still have a second cat and a dog, so at least we had small warm beings to love us. In fact, my big, fat, mean, grey cat was pretty odd that evening. He yowled at me when I got home - which is usually a demand for water or food. Those were both full, all he wanted was attention. I sat down at my desk and before I knew it, he was sitting in front of the keyboard trying to nestle into my arms. So, I held him and sobbed for a bit. He's not generally that affectionate, but I think that all of the emotion in the house probably affected him. He's going to have a rough weekend. I'm taking Leica with us to Ohio and he'll be here alone. Carol's coming in to ensure food and water, but she doesn't like him much, so probably won't spend much time with him. I suspect that when I get home, he'll be awfully glad to see me!

Today and tonight will be another insane day for both me and Max. Lots of things to do before we get out of town. I figure I'll rest in the van tomorrow and will sleep in on Friday. Yea!

I'm taking the laptop with me, so hopefully I'll make time to blog!

Too Young ...

Nope, this blog isn't about me. I'm writing a quick one to get it off my mind.

One of my cats is dying right now. He's my orange & white tabby. I was up really late last night, so I slept on the couch. Max came down this morning, woke me up at 7:00. I asked if he was ok and he had to tell me that he found the poor guy stretched out on the floor, not moving. He had voided himself and was lying there. But, the poor thing is still breathing.

This cat is diabetic. It's really difficult to control diabetes in a cat, but we do what we can with insulin. The poor thing has been taking shots from me for over a year. He seemed to be doing pretty well.

Max has put him on a blanket in a tub - we're leaving in a few minutes to go to the vet. I'm just going to put the poor guy to sleep all the way, remove the pain and the stress from his life.

It's going to be a weird morning ...

When God shows up ...

Do you see that huge pause before I began my first sentence? Oh ... probably not, but I had to stop and just bow before the Lord. In fact, as I type ... I'm thankful for being a touch typist because I can hardly lift my head. God has been so present this day.

He was in worship ... moving and pouring out. There aren't words to describe what I experienced, but because I am a communicator I will try.

I know that Jennie had really been praying for the worship service this morning - trying to feel the flow of things in her heart and her mind. She called me yesterday to tell me a little bit of what had been going on - and to ask me to pray. She didn't see the ending of the service. And when she began stressing about it, she heard God telling her that He would take care of it today - she just needed to remain open.

In my ears, that tells me to be ready for anything. I woke up this morning and began praying for the day, for the praise band as we led the music, for Dr. Delp as he preached the Word, for the people that I could see sitting and standing in their pews. I walked into the church praying for all of this. And as I walked into the sanctuary, I knew that I needed to be praying. I sat in the front pew as the scurrying about on the stage began and shut my eyes. More than anything I wanted God to be present.

We began our first song and I amped up immediately. "Turn it around, open the windows of heaven, pour out a blessing, let it flow." We were pleading with God to join us ... did the people know what they were asking? Oh, I hope so.

There was a beautiful baptism of a father and his baby daughter. Oh, how God loves seeing families gather together before Him!

We sang again, "We fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus. And we cry 'Holy, holy, holy'!" You see, that's where God wanted us to be - crying out before Him that He is holy. He is holy!! Dr. Delp taught on the passage in Isaiah 6:1-8. During the reign of King Uzziah, Isaiah was in the throne room of God - the train of His robe - filled the temple with glory! Angels were all arond singing "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty" They were calling that back and forth.

The sermon was amazing today. Simply amazing. I was in awe as I listened to Dr. Delp try to help us grasp the incredible holiness of our God.

As we closed the service with the song "I see the Lord, seated on the throne, exalted. And the train of His robe, fills the temple with glory. And the whole world is filled with His glory. Holy, holy, holy, holy. Holy is the Lord!', I became aware of the awesome presence of God. I have to admit that my very bad knees kept me upright in a time where God was doing His best to drive me to my knees. At points, I had to stop singing and just drop my head.

I was talking with a friend later on ... and I recognize that people are so resistant to God. Patterns have been built up in their lives and fears. anger at the church or people that have hurt them in the past. All sorts of things happen to wound us to a point that we can no longer accept the reality of a Holy God. We come to church simply to be seen.

But, God is drawing every person to Him and right now I sense that His movement is more intentional. God is preparing our church to become a focal point in His revival of our hearts. I pray that if your heart is not filled with the holiness of God, you can find yourself a place and a way to be open to that.

Lord Jesus, Come Quickly!

15 Minutes Left

Ok ... it's 11:45 and I think we might make it through this day safely!

Today was my birthday. For the last 12 years, something 'bad' has happened around my birthday. Last year I was ready to give it up completely.

I'm old enough to be content with ignoring the significance of this date completely. There is no particular reason for me to celebrate a date that reminds me that age is creeping up on me. My friends insist that I celebrate the day and I do my best to ignore them.

The 'horror' of my birthday began September 8, 1995. Carol had scheduled her first gynecological exam with my doctor, a wonderful woman. She left work and we continued throughout the morning. I got a telephone call that morning from a completely freaked out sister. She was sobbing and nearly in hysterics. Something was terribly wrong. During her exam there was terrible pain and a lot of blood. They had scheduled her for an immediate ultrasound. I just left the shop and headed up to the doctor's office.

The ultrasound showed a mass in her abdomen - attached to her uterus. They couldn't tell her whether or not it was cancerous. We scheduled surgery. Within a few short weeks, Carol had surgery to remove a muskmelon sized fibroid tumor from her abdomen. No cancer - the fear passed.

September 8, 1996 came and while we were thankful for Carol's recovery and return to complete normalcy, we were waiting for a baby to be born to one of our employees. She came to work a little freaked out - she hadn't felt the baby move within her over the weekend. We sent her to the doctor immediately. The baby had died and the poor girl had to deliver the infant that day.

The next few years brought all sorts of trauma - mostly related to Insty-Prints. 2001 came and I thought it was going to be ok, but 3 days later, well ... we all know what happened that day. I don't know what it was about September, but things got insane and every year, there was something. Max was starting to worry for me.

Last year, Insty-Prints was closed on September 4th and I was out of work. My birthday wasn't much to celebrate - but my friends insisted. I lived through it.

Now, I know that this all sounds quite whiny. And I apologize. I suspect that the intensity of the issues that happened over the years was enhanced because I was concentrating on them - things that would generally be ignored were made much bigger.

This year, though, everyone was beginning to wonder about the day. 2 weeks ago Max's mom fell and cracked her skull. He got a call from his sister that if he ever wanted to see her alive again we had to get out there immediately. She was transferred last week from the assisted living center to a nursing home. She is confused, the doctors are concerned and the kids are worried.

We're heading to Ohio on Thursday. She's still alive and nothing traumatic has happened today. I really think that Max, Carol and my friends were praying for me to get through the day so that I would quit complaining about it!

The clock just chimed midnight. My birthday is over. Praise the Lord. Though the date on my birth certificate indicates that I've just aged another year, I don't feel any different. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to think about it. But, I can live through it. That's what happened today.

God's grace is amazing. I have made up a series of insane connections over the last 12 years. I do try to recognize my own insanity. And I am awfully glad that God forgives the craziness inside us!

To be a teacher ...

I'm awfully proud of my sister. She is teaching 6th graders this year - after 20 years of running a print shop. She finished her second bachelor's degree last spring and was ready to leap into the classroom. Leap she has! And in many cases, she's feeling pretty overwhelmed! But, she's doing great!

I offered to help her grade some of her papers. Am I nuts? I love that stuff! (grading papers). When I was in upper elementary, I remember helping some of the younger grade teachers grade their papers. I always wanted to teach.

She brought me a week's worth of math papers to grade. Whee!!! This is stuff I do well - the math is still fun for me! And I love coming up with ways to help the kids figure out why they gave an incorrect answer. Just working through these papers, I'm seeing how their little minds work. It's fascinating!

I love that she lets me help her out with this stuff. I wish I could be more available to get into the classroom to help her, but goodNESS I stay busy during the day. She really needs people to be in there with her. She has an incredible number of 'tough' kids in that classroom. Kids that desperately need personalized time - time that she doesn't have when dealing with 23 kiddos all at one time. Boy, if anyone ever wants to spend 45 minutes a week in a classroom - she'd certainly love it! And I'm betting you would too!

And I'm going to start praying for mentors for her. Of course I'll check out Teammates - we'll see how that all gets set up. But, she definitely needs at least 3 mentors in the classroom. For one little boy whose father beats the hell out of his mother. This little kid has picked up on that abusive relationship and has no concept of what a healthy family looks like. He's bright, but will probably fail throughout life because he can't function in a proper manner around other people. A little girl whose father is in prison, and whose mother is either dead or in jail - they just don't know. Now, how do you prepare a little girl like that for a successful life? Her grandmother is doing the best she can, but this little girl is just angry all the time - do you blame her? Or another little boy whose father is in jail and whose mother can't hold anything together. They're about to lose their home and he see no reason to try to succeed. He doesn't understand the concept. How do you encourage him to do work in the classroom - why should he bother?

The other sixth grade teacher in her school has been there for years and years - and is a terrific teacher. But ... she pretty much chose the kids she would have in her room, leaving Carol with a lot of trouble. In fact, there have been outsiders walk into her classroom, see who is in there and offer much support and sympathy. It seems Carol has the worst class in the entire school. Now, that just cracks me up! She's naive enough to believe that she can handle it. She's old enough and strong enough to make it happen and offer success to as many children as possible.

I look forward to supporting her this year. Not because I want her to be successful, though that will be a bonus. I want to see these kids that she is falling in love with be successful throughout their junior high and high school years. Can we touch 23 kids and change the world? Not alone, we can't. But, God can. I can't believe the amount of time I've put in to prayer for these children. Individually as Carol tells me about their lives and corporately as I pray for the classroom.

Do you have a teacher you should be praying for - or a classroom of kids that you know?

I was talking to my nephew Matthew today - he's 18. If he lives to the age of 88 - that's another 70 years. That makes the year 2077. That's 100 years after I graduated from high school! My nephew will more than likely be alive 100 years after my high school graduation. These kids are the future of our world - what kind of world and life will we give them.

This is why I pray for these kids. They can transform things. God can transform the world through them. Don't believe for a moment that God is not in control of this world. I'm thankful for the power of prayer and the amazing power of God's grace.

Got nothing done today

Ok ... good heavens, but this day was nuts. I don't think I was ever alone in my office. It was full of people today. Now, generally that is a wonderful thing, but today - all it meant was that I didn't get anything productive done. Ack! I'm going to have to work late tomorrow to make sure everything is ready to go for the weekend!

But, it's all good - and I shouldn't complain.

The new youth director was in this afternoon. He's going to be a riot. Why, you might ask? Well, he's a good guy, but we've just added yet another opinionated Christian to the staff. And, he has a bit of seminary education to back himself up. He's a Calvinist - a good ole' Presbyterian. If you want some entertainment - look up (on Google) the arguments between Arminians and Calvinists. This discussion (argument) has been going on for centuries. I'm looking forward to the insanity. It's going to make me do some studying - and that's a very good thing.

Cody (my office mate - and the Tech Director at church) has a fairly 'Reformed' background and loves (no, I'm not kidding - he loves this!) to debate theology and philosophy. It gets him all charged up. This isn't arguing - it's debate and discussion. I think I'm going to enjoy the noise. When it all comes down to it - the debate is nonsensical. The only important thing is telling people about Jesus Christ and encouraging a life dedicated to discipleship. But, we all know this. The debate and discussion only stretches the mind and forces good thought.

We pulled a quick lunch today - headed to Brueggers for sandwiches and then a rush trip to Parables. Israel Houghton's new CD - "A Deeper Level" came out this week and Jennie and I were insane to get it. I just love his stuff - I love it! But, the fun thing is that Jennie was in Houston at a worship conference last spring - where they recorded this CD! How cool is that? (it's way cool).

So ... it's 10:45 pm and I'm tanked. My bed is calling me, I'm yawning and my eyes are bleary. See you later!

What does God want from me?

Now, while the title of this blog could easily begin a whining rant about how tough things are in my life, I don't plan for it to turn out that way.

I really am curious - and I guess that I spend way too much time thinking about that! Before you tell me that I could better spend my time doing something else, please know that I simply spend a lot of time thinking and this is something that a lot of us really would like an answer to. We believe that we hear God's call on our lives and we move forward according to that call. When we don't feel anything or 'hear' anything from God, we tend to keep moving in the last known direction, hoping that we're doing what it is that God is wanting from us.

I have a couple of friends that hear from God on a regular basis. He is present within their thoughts and their hearts nearly all the time and when He is quiet within them, it's painful. I've never had that activity going on inside me. When God is quiet around me, I sense that it is because I'm too busy and have allowed things around me to press in on all sides. My mind can no longer process on the things of God.

Does God ever wear you out? Oh, He does me. You have to be at the top of your game to be in constant contact with the Creator of this Universe. Now, isn't that an interesting statement! Because I know that when I am weak, He is strong and that through my weakness, He is able to be so much more within me.

But, in so many ways that is interpreted incorrectly. It doesn't mean I have to be a weak 'pray-er' or a weak studier, or a weak giver, or a weak worshiper. It means that I have to turn my will over to Him. To spend a lifetime on earth in His presence, I have to be ready for this! I have to learn to pray with His strength. I can't do that if I don't have the fortitude to go before Him and actually pray at the foot of His throne. To worship Him, I have to have a broken soul, a soul that is ready to pour out everything I have. To study His word, I need to be willing to learn all that I can regarding that Word - and you know what, that requires me to be at the top of my game!

I refuse to offer a half-baked Christian attitude to God in order that He can use me. I need to learn to pray as an intercessor, I need to learn to study His word. For me personally, that means that I read everything I can when I am studying a passage and that I may need to learn Greek and Hebrew so that I can understand all of the nuances fof a passage - not just the English translation. In order to worship and to lead worship, I need to not only rehearse and be prepared for the event, but I need to come before God and allow Him to be everything that I worship.

And He wears me out. What other thing in my life do I have that should require such an investment of my life and a sacrifice of all that I've been given? What else is there? My husband, my family, my job ... none of these things are as important as the Creator who gave me life. I would set aside everything for Him. (Don't worry, I'm not being crazy - trust me, there would be some massive whining and screaming if I was really asked to do any of that.)

As I've been writing this and praying while I wrote this, I realized what it is that God wants from me.

Singleness of heart and mind and soul. It occurs to me that God wears me out because I move back and forth between accessing His throne and playing in the world. I'm a terrific multi-tasker. You will rarely find me only doing one thing at a time. If I can set several projects into motion at the same time I'm quite happy. I knit while I read. Sometimes the television is on as well and I'm absorbing that information. If I'm playing a game online - I also have a video playing online.

But, God doesn't want me to multitask in His presence. Singleness of heart, mind and soul.

Now ... what God really wants is for His church to be united on that same front. He's tired of us battling each other. He's calling us to focus on the only important thing - Him. You see, we don't have to do it, we don't have to cause things to happen in His church, we don't have to work that hard. All we have to do is trust Him ... together.

He still wears me out. A day will come when I no longer move back and forth from His throne to the world. When it does, there will be no more tears or weariness ... there will only be God. But, until that day, I'm going to embrace God's weariness, because when I'm worn out ... I know I've been close to Him and He will sustain me in that weakness.

Oh God! Hear the groanings of my heart ... let your people be united ... let us hear from You and do Your will.

Football is Back!

This was a terrific day! I love football season and I can't believe how much I was looking forward to it this year!

When I was in high school, I was in the marching band. We wore hideously hot woolen uniforms and the first few games of the season nearly killed some of us. I played the flute in concert band and played the base drum in the marching band. Yes ... I was insane. But, playing the base drum put me right in the middle of the drum section and that was the best place to be! However, that was one nasty heavy thing to be carrying around. Parades were the worst. A lot of marking time and standing up straight with that heavy thing hanging off my shoulders. Oh well ... as football season progressed, the temperature cooled off and rather than bolting for the locker room after halftime, we just stayed in our uniforms and climbed into the stands with our instruments, planning to make as much noise as possible. We were always ready to play our fight song when we scored.

The football team did pretty well those years. And I had a blast. After the home games there was always a sock hop in the cafeteria. Several members of my class had a rock band ... they were pretty good and managed to cover everything that we were listening to. Those nights were just a load of fun. I fell in love with football.

I didn't spend too much time watching football in college. I quickly lost my love of crowds and when I was at the University of Iowa, there was no way I was putting up with that insanity to watch a football game. At Coe College, the team stunk and I had no reason to waste my time watching them - there was always something better to be doing.

My brother played football in West Liberty, but he was the only one I knew on the team, so I didn't have as much fun watching them. Years passed ... high school football was a thing of my past and I really didn't have a pro football team to watch. So ... no football in my life.

Then, I married Max. I thought it was weird, but I wasn't going to make a big deal about it. Max never really watched football. He didn't make a big deal about it on Saturdays or Sundays or Mondays. I finally quit thinking about it. Until one day a few years into our marriage, I asked him about it. "Why don't you watch football? I always used to like it. Dad loved college football. Why don't you?"

I knew that Max's family were rabid Ohio State fans. He grew up just outside of Columbus.

Max's response to me floored me. He didn't want me to feel like I was a football widow and so he had just chosen to stay away from it.

Oh my goodness! I just giggled at him. "Honey, I love football. Turn the game on."

He didn't get too crazy. The first year we watched a few games on the weekends and every once in awhile he'd turn on a pro game. Over the years we've really built football back into our lives.

Now, I don't completely pay attention to every game that he watches. But, I love football season. It means he hangs out on the sofa in the living room with me. We talk during the game. When it gets cooler, I will curl up in blankets on the couch with him. I knit or I read or I watch the game.

I love spending time with him. I get the game of football for the most part and what I don't understand he enjoys explaining to me.

So ... football season is here. I'm so excited. Today was a great day. We probably watched 5 games today - bits and pieces of them. I learned interesting things while we were watching about the different locales. Max has an incredible knowledge of things and it's always entertaining to listen to him. I also did some knitting, read a few books (really ... it's a sick thing the way I consume fiction) and enjoyed the day.

When It's Time To Pray

We had a discussion in our Staff gathering this afternoon about prayer. My goodness, but we don't do this enough. Ever. (pray, not discuss prayer). How desperate we are for the prayers of our friends and those that love us. I would much rather know that my friends are interceding in prayer for me than receive gifts from them. Prayer is the greatest gift we can offer.

Real, intercessory prayer. I think we spend too much time trying to justify a lousy prayer life by saying that we send up short prayers - we are too busy, so at least we're praying. NO! We just can't be too busy for this. It's much too important. Lives and souls are counting on me ... on you.

This afternoon I was compelled to pray. That doesn't happen very often and it doesn't happen very often that I know who I'm to pray for. When I was much younger, I had moved far away from home. I was alone in a town where I knew no one except the senior pastor of the church where I worked. This was long before the internet. My only connection to my family was the telephone and letters. One night, in the middle of the night, I was awakened from a dead sleep. I heard my mom yelling my name! It was much too late to call her - she'd have had my head. So, I did the next best thing. I got out of bed and went to the living room so that I would remain awake. And I prayed. I prayed a long time that night. Finally I went back to bed - but, as early as I knew was safe, I called home.

Everything was fine. There was nothing amiss. But, that didn't upset me. I knew that it hadn't been a dream. I knew that I had been called to pray. So, I did.

I don't listen to those promptings often enough. And sometimes I totally ignore God when He is telling me to pray for someone. Why in the world am I being selfish with prayer? That's totally self-centered of me.

Dad and I talked a lot on the telephone during the years that I was away from home. When he knew that something was bothering me or I was struggling with something, he was never afraid to just pray out loud for me on the telephone. Oh, I was a little uncomfortable w/ith it the first time. But, I learned to treasure those moments with him and with God.

I want to be that kind of pray-er. It's hard for me. I don't want to embarrass the person I'm with. I don't want to embarrass people that might be wandering around in the area where I am. What? Guys ... I work in a church!! Where prayer should be a natural outpouring of everything that we do.

When someone comes to you with a concern or a worry ... do you do what I do? As I listen to them, I might pray quietly, but I'm pretty ready with the advice. I'll talk through and encourage others to talk through their problems. I know that is healthy. I know that sometimes people just need to be heard. I'm pretty good at that. I love connecting with my friends on that level. But ... ahhh ... that's where I stop. Why in the world am I afraid to just say, "let me pray with you about this."? I am depriving us of that deeper connection, of the link that can happen when God enters into the conversation. I am depriving us of the reality of seeing His will in whatever is happening.

Prayer is the conversation place between us and our Creator. He says "where two or three are gathered, there I am." You know, I'm pretty polite. I don't ignore people who are in a room with me or in a small group with me. But, I find it quite easy to ignore the One who brought us together. He's right there ... in the room ... I think it's time to have that conversation with Him!

Nothing to Say

See ... this is what I mean. I've been sitting here thinking and thinking ... thinking about my day ... thinking about my evening with Max and NOTHING! I should have the exciting life everyone thinks I have. Really ... not so much!

What happened today?

I crawled out of bed and was promptly annoyed because it was about 1/2 hour too early. That meant that I had to immediately go to the bathroom, and there wasn't enough time to crawl back into bed. ...whine.

Today was newsletter day in my world. It is a huge pain in my backside to put that thing together. It's like this massive puzzle. None of the pieces actually match, I have to adjust them all to get them to fit together. Then, when I do finally get pieces together, I realize that I have one more article that needs to go in there ... or ... someone comes up with something at the last minute that absolutely HAS to be in this issue. If it's not there, the world might certainly end. And I'm always on a weird deadline because at 2:30 someone comes in to proofread the newsletter. I generally am ready for her, but not without skipping lunch and focusing on my computer for the previous 5 hours.

I'm awfully glad that the ministry directors don't come in to work on Mondays. I get so much work done when they aren't around. The newsletter is the most intense task I have, so I'm glad that it happens on Mondays when they're gone. Anyway ...

After I finished that project, I prepared a handout for Holly for the Small Group Leadership Seminar this evening. When I finished pulling that together, I made the copies for her and began assembling a Soul Seekers postcard that will go in the mail tomorrow. Printed the labels and the postcards and began jamming the labels on this afternoon.

I spent a little bit of time working on a process for reporting and measuring key metrics for the church. I'll spend more time on that tomorrow with Edna. We'll get the plan put together this week, present it to Dr. Delp and then proceed with the plan. I like thinking about those things. Forcing the left side of my brain to actaully process on linear issues. Pretty cool.

Two women from UMW stopped in to see me this morning. They had their executive board meeting today and were doing some planning to increase membership and some other cool things that group does. The president of UMW wanted to see if we could get a nice insert for the bulletin next Sunday. I was a little startled when she said she had been told that I might not 'allow' her to put an insert in the bulletin. Yikes! I've never made that type of decision. Nor have I ever insinuated that there would be a problem with doing that kind of advertising. I assured her that not only would we print the insert, but I would spend some time making it look really nice.

We have interesting reactions to the newsletter at this church. A year or so ago, they decided that they would simply go ahead and drop everyone off the mailing list if there was a legitimate email address. What we discovered this summer was that many people were not getting the newsletter and had no idea what was going on. Though they have email, they very likely don't take the time to read the newsletter online. When a piece of paper comes into the house, it is more likely to sit around and be read for a longer period of time. Bulk mailing for a non-profit organization is 11 cents per piece. That's some of the most inexpensive advertising out there. However, now I have people complaining about the fact that we are wasting paper (1.8 cents per 11 x 17 piece) and postage (11.3 cents per piece mailed). It occurs to me that 20 cents per newsletter (at the highest cost) is a very inexpensive way to reach out to our congregation. [off the soapbox, Diane]

Back to my day ... Max picked me up at 6:15 and we came home. I had leftover Lo Sole Mio's Pasta a la LoSole (Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken, artichoke hearts and mushrooms). Yummy! We talked for awhile about stupid stuff (oh, I'm sure you can imagine) and settled in to watch some pre-season football.

I'm a little tired of all of the conversation about Michael Vick. I'll give them today - he had his press conference today and the Falcons are playing a preseason game tonight. I'm just saying ... I'm tired of it. While he was watching that, I was reading and knitting again. I have a lot of things I'd like to finish up this year for Christmas gifts. There's a lot of yarn in this house and I do not feel like I can go buy more until I use up some of what I have. It's a LOT of yarn. I can't even express to you how much there is around here. Bad, bad Diane.

About 8:30, Max was sinking further and further into the sofa. I sent him up to bed. But, I hear that he has weird things playing on his computer. As for me, it's 9:00 and I'm about to crash on the couch.

So ... I had nothing to say - but, there's my life!

Slowly I think ... step by step

Last night I ended up staying awake until 3:30 am. Reading Star Wars!!! I couldn't stop until everyone had been rescued, or killed (Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Empire) and put back in their proper places. Han Solo and Leia are married and she just gave birth to twins in this story - Jacen and Jaina. Ahhh ... the force is strong with them. I'm sorry ... it's just that I do love the plot lines available in that universe and some of the story tellers are just so good at what they do!

So, I slept in this morning ... missed church. It was alright - I don't feel too much like a heathen. And what little bit I do - well, I'll get over it.

I checked my Outlook at work though and saw on my calendar that I had a 3 hour rehearsal for Canticum Novum this afternoon. Whoops! That hadn't been on my radar all weekend. I really hadn't forgotten about it - just wasn't thinking about it. And THAT's why I have calendars and reminders all over the place. To rescue me from myself.

It was a terrific rehearsal. This group makes some really awesome music together. For me, it's a chance to play in the classical style again - things I actually have to practice a little bit to be able to perform. I accompany the group and Matt Hill directs it - he rocks as a director. Expects a lot from his singers and generally gets what he's asking from them!

However, because I had planned my day so badly, I didn't get a nap. I'm about to do that (which pretty much ensures I'll be up late again tonight). Max is out for dinner with Leonard and my eyes are drooping. It will be quiet for at least an hour. Bye bye!

The joy of a Saturday

Today has been a pretty terrific day. I doubt that anyone else would like this day, but it's my favorite stuff. I've been reading Star Wars novels and knitting today. I completely shut my mind down from anything related to work. And it's been fabulous!

Max picked up takeout from Lo Sole Mio tonight so that I wouldn't have to get dressed up - I could just hang out in my lounging clothes. I don't know that life could get much better than this!

This week has been a bit grueling. We really are working hard to get things kicked off at church and it seems that the harder we all work, the more there is to do. That tends to create a rather frightening circular pattern. Yesterday, Julie popped into my office with "Sonic Run!" I had no idea what she meant. OH! She was heading to Sonic and did we all want something to drink. Well, I've never done that! I had no idea what to order. Everyone talks about their Limeades, so it seemed the thing to try. A strawberry Limeade. Whoa, honeypot - that was good! And what a great way to end a week.

Julie also tapped me a little bit yesterday about my bad blogging skills lately. She's right. It's hard to keep this up! I get home in the evening and I'm pooped - my brain is in desperate need of being turned off. Some days I don't have a creative thought left, much less something that might be a bit spiritually profound. And I don't feel like I should blog my insanity! (hehe)

Other times, I feel just plain boring. If I were to blog the crazy conversations that Max and I have, you would simply shake your head at us. Today we had a weird conversation about Ayn Rand's book "Atlas Shrugged". I've got this on an audio book and want to listen to it - I've never read it and am pretty sure that if I were to try to read it, my eyes would soon wear out and I'd fall asleep. He read it many years ago and was describing some of the plot to me. I'm still curious as to who John Galt is and why Omaha has a street named after him. The only John Galt we know about is in that book. Oh well ...

We never discuss the normal news that's out there, we always come up with a piece of something very, very odd and before you know it - we're both tearing through the internet off on some chase for a bit of strange and odd information.

Oh, Max told me today that he was cited on Wikipedia. It was something that he had said about photography, but he certainly didn't feel like he was a source to be cited. It cracked him up!

While I was reading Star Wars this evening, Max was watching "Snakes on a Plane". Hehe ... I hate those shows, so I was sitting at my desk with my back to the television while he was howling with laughter! Every time a snake leaped out or bit someone or did something hideous, he cracked up. That's definitely the way to watch scary movies - with someone who recognizes the 'camp' in them. You have to watch "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" with Max sometime. The movie is just plain awful, I mean it's really awful! The best line in it, though is: "There ARE clowns, and they ARE killing people." Max loves terrible movies. Movies that are made terrible on purpose annoy him, but those movies that were made with the best intentions, but end up being awful completely entertain him. "Robot Monster" (1953) is one of the first movies he introduced me to in his ongoing quest to enlighten me. Oh my goodness, but it's terrible. A robot is sent to earth in advance of an impending invasion. Now ... there was no money spent on this thing, so the costume that they gave this poor actor was a gorilla suit for the body of the monster and an ancient underwater diving helmet for the head. Supposedly, he has killed all but 6 people on earth, and then ends up falling for one of the females. Good heavens, it's just awful. But, it is hilarious.

...welcome to my world.

It's nearly 10:30. I've finished 2 of the 3 books in this Star Wars trilogy and the anticipation is killing me. I'm knitting a blanket. I have a long ways to go on it. No, I don't intend to finish it this weekend, but I'm certainly going to get as much done as possible! Max has gone upstairs, the dog is firmly ensconced in a blanket beside me and I'm heading back to the book! Have a good night!

Oh .. in my last post, I mentioned that I was arrogant about the authors I read? Well, Timothy Zahn is a classic in the Sci Fi literary world (if you can call it that). I read his stuff as often as possible. (hehe) Maybe I'm not as selective as I'd like to think I am!!!

Words on a Page

It's been a good weekend. Actually, it's gone by a bit too quickly and I would love to have another day off, but what the heck ... if I never had to go back to work, I wouldn't appreciate the weekend, would I? Even when I wasn't working last fall, I looked forward to the weekend, because Max would be off work and he and I would be able to hang out. So ... no complaining from me, right?

Several years ago, I purchased the entire CS Lewis "Chronicles of Narnia" radio dramatizations by Focus on the Family. Max burned them to our hard drive and that meant I could easily share them with a friend and her kids - so, I did. Life is good. But, this weekend I decided it would be fun to listen to them again. Oh, they're awesome! I like listening to audiobooks at home because I can be wandering around the house, or around the internet, or knitting or any number of things while I listen to the book.

I've discovered a bad habit. When I read, I tend to fall asleep. I know a lot of you have commented on having the same habit. Doggone it! I love to read! When I'm reading non-fiction, or studying, I'm usually sitting at my desk with a notepad in hand, so I don't sleep much at my desk. A few weeks ago, when the last Harry Potter book came out, I forced myself to sit at my desk so I wouldn't drift off - I wanted desperately to finish it ... and I did. Ahhhhhhhhh ... the satisfaction.

Hmmm ... that was a couple of paragraphs only to say that I have really been enjoying listening to The Chronicles of Narnia. If you have never read (or listened to) these books, you are missing an amazing allegory of the Christian Life. CS Lewis is nothing less than amazing. As I was talking to God this evening, I was wondering out loud with Him if He just really enjoyed having CS Lewis up in heaven right now. That man's mind is stunning! His insight into how God talks with His children and how terrible we act as Christians is incredible! It is all right there in these simple children's books.

In "Prince Caspian", the 4 children (Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy) are pulled back to Narnia because they are needed to help return the world to right. Aslan shows up and Lucy sees him, but the others don't. They are so wrapped up in what they think they ought to be doing, they completely miss Aslan speaking to them! She finally gets them to do the right thing, but not without a lot of junk going on. And when they become humble about their roles and open themselves up to the possibility of Aslan actually being there, they finally begin to see him - and the joy of that is overwhelming! Lewis picks up on every human foible and makes them so clear to us in his stories.

As a matter of fact, I do believe that the books beyond "The Lion, the With and the Wardrobe" are actually much better books. We are only exposed to the one on a regular basis, but the others just keep getting better and better.

Max and I were talking about children's books today - he had read that researchers are quite disappointed that the Harry Potter series hasn't encouraged deeper reading - beyond those books. That's too bad. But, we seem to have forgotten about amazing children's stories.

On the way home from church today, we were talking about the Tarzan series. Max didn't recall that I enjoyed those books. But, I do! They're fabulous! Burroughs had an amazing talent for getting his reader to spend time in the world he was describing. As Tarzan was racing through the jungle, I was there with him, my heart racing as he was chasing down evil men intent on destroying the jungle. In the "Little House on the Prairie" series, I spent months living with Laura Ingalls Wilder and her family. I saw what each home looked like and I became a part of the landscape of her stories.

The books that I continue to love are the ones that take me into a world and leave me wanting more of that world when I finish. As a child, I was transported every time I opened a book. When I discovered science fiction and fantasy I discovered authors that were creating entirely new ideas and new places for me to spend time. My mind was opened to new thoughts and tolerance for people that were different. Science fiction writers were able to write commentary on issues and policies happening today in a way that made us think.

I don't read as much fiction now as I used to. I don't have time. When I sit down to read, I generally have a task ahead of me and I have to get something read and I need to learn something from it. I also haven't found writers lately that transport me into their world quickly and easily. When I find one, I consume the books they've written and then I stop reading again.

I confess to being a bit arrogant about the authors I read. I'm pretty selective. Books are still inexpensive enough for me to toss out if I'm not attracted to them. I don't have time to waste on a badly written book. And let me tell you, there are a lot of badly written books out there right now. Science Fiction is one of the worst places for them. So, I find myself drawn back to the classics. I'll read them over and over again. They still take me away from the present and they entertain me until I turn the final page.

I do love to read.

The teacher in me

This afternoon, Max and I went up to Western Hills Elementary to spend some time checking out my sister Carol's new classroom. She's having a lot of fun pulling things together and has been working incredibly hard getting things cleaned up. She had to empty all of the cupboards and get things reorganized for her own sanity. Piles of 'stuff' everywhere is difficult to deal with. She's got color up on the bulletin boards and has begun decorating in 'theme': "At the Movies". There are a lot of bare walls in there - it's time for me to get creative with some fun movie posters and stuff for her and her kids.

Carol is teaching 6th grade. Her partner teacher is a 30 year veteran that seems to be amazing. Carol's grateful for that. She's completely and totally overwhelmed right now. As I looked through the content standards and the teaching requirements, etc., etc., etc., so was I! How in the world is she ever supposed to teach all of this stuff ... well! I'm sure she'll get through it, but yikes!

I've been designing posters and charts and nameplates (for the desks), activity sheets, and other pieces that she wants to have so that things look good. I sat at her desk this afternoon and began looking through the social studies book. I got excited! This is my kind of stuff! So, the plan (in my head) is to start finding supplemental activities for her with regards to the lessons she is teaching. It's great! I can't wait.

I don't think that I've been in an elementary classroom since I was in elementary school. Goodness, but that's been ... well ... many years ago. I left 6th grade in 1971. I know that Western Hills is not a brand new school, but I do have to say that it all looked just the same. The coolest thing? Some of the parts of the classroom were demystified for me. I saw these weird cupboards under the front blackboards and I remembered them from my childhood. I always wondered what was in them, but no one ever opened them for me and I never had the courage to do it myself. I opened them. Nothing terribly exciting, but it was cool to make the connection in my mind.

Silly little things like that. It's fun to be back in an elementary school as an adult. It all makes so much more sense now! We just accepted things as they were. We went where we were told to go, did what we were told to do and did very little over-the-top exploration. It's fun to actually look up and see all of the strange things that are so very normal.

As we sat at dinner tonight, I began thinking and talking about some experiences that I had in elementary school. I had a couple of teachers that taught me how to teach. Because I was a fast learner (I learned the way that curriculum was taught) and an incredibly fast reader, I was always at the top of the class. (I promise, I'm not being arrogant ... it was a bit difficult to live that way). But, when I was bored, I was allowed to help the slower kids read. I sat with them while they processed on the pages in front of them. I helped them learn how to comprehend what they were reading. My personality was very gentle back then and the teacher knew I would never hold it over anyone ... so, she allowed me to help her (remember, this was the 60s in small-town Iowa). I was terribly honored and didn't want to screw it up, so I worked hard at doing whatever she asked me to do.

That's where I learned to love teaching! I'm so glad that Carol also loves teaching. I hope to have plenty of time to spend in her classroom helping her out. As she described the kids in her class, I recognize that she is going to need a lot of assistance. She'll do it very well ... all on her own, and with the help of the staff around her, but anything I can give her will only encourage those kids. She has a hearing impaired child, 2 autistic children, 2 kids that are very low on the learning scale. On top of that, she has 4 children that barely speak English. There are a couple of teachers that assist her during the day working with these children individually, but still!!! 9 kids out of 23 that require a lot of extra effort.

One of the coolest things for her is that she did her Student Teaching at Western Hills last year ... in 5th grade. She knows these kids already. She's experienced some of their 'stuff' and was successful in her student teaching. I'm looking forward to this year for her.

Thoughts ... and a Birthday

Well, Max and I finally took the Strengths Finder test online. Now, I have to figure everything out by reading the book. HOWEVER! They tell you your 5 top themes. I'm now a little bit afraid. Out of 33 themes listed we share 4 of them. Ok, I'm actually either a little bit afraid because we are so similar, or this absolutely assures me that we were meant to be together. No wonder we are so comfortable. And the 1 other theme that we differ on, is what makes it fun.

There wasn't much surprising for us ... at least not for me. My strengths lie in learning and in how I relate to people. Max's lie in learning - his dependency on history is what fascinates me.

That's enough of that. At least until I have more time to figure out what I'm going to do with that bit of information.

Tomorrow is Matthew's birthday. He'll be 18. Matt was the first born in our family. I remember the night he was born. Jim and Janet lived in Denver. Jim called me about 10:00 pm to tell me that they were heading to the hospital. I fell asleep and woke up to the telephone ringing after 2:00 am. Matthew had been born. There was a little stress because of a staff infection, but our boy was here!

I cried.

And those tears made my brother awfully happy. Mom had died 2 1/2 years prior and his words to me were "I knew you'd cry. Mom would have cried, so I had to call to hear you cry." Yup ... I cried.

For my 30th birthday, I drove to Denver and spent a nice long weekend holding a brand new baby. I loved every minute of it! To know me is to know that statement is insane. I'm so NOT a baby person. I avoid holding babies. My good friends know enough to not force their babies on me. About the time the child turns 3, I start having a really good time. But, with Matthew, it was really different. I looked into that tiny little face and realized that I was seeing everyone that I loved. He was absolutely beautiful. I changed a few diapers (not something I'm terribly familiar with), snuggled with him, played with him (oh, the poor boy has weird baby pictures because his father and mother and I posed him - it was fun!).

I smile this evening when I think of Matthew. He has turned into an amazing young man. Amazing! He's exciting to talk to. He's sensitive to people around him. He's intelligent. He's got amazing spiritual depth. He has NEVER gone through the adolescent stage of being embarrassed by physical affection from his aunts. He craves that attention (so do his siblings - it's a fun family!).

Happy Birthday Matthew ... I love you, I love you, I love you!

How Big Is Your God?

How much do you limit God? No really ... what are your limits on what God can do? No ... really ... keep thinking about that. What can your God do and how do you limit His power?

I was watching an episode of "Eureka" (goodness, but I love this show). One of the main characters created a robot and it had life. As his 'son' died, he asked the character (Stark) whether or not Turing was right when he said that God could grant a computer a soul if He wished to.

Alan Turing is the father of modern computing and this statement came about from a discussion called the Turing Test. Turing believed that you could put a man and a computer in separate rooms, type questions to them and given the right circumstances (the computer is advanced enough), a person would not be able to tell the difference between them. There were many objections, but one was a theological objection. That objection stated that thinking is a function of man's soul and therefore a machine could not think.

The question is not whether or not God WOULD give a computer a soul, but COULD He?

Because I believe in a God big enough to create or change anything. As to the question of whether or not God WOULD give a computer a soul, I think that is something that will be dealt with in the future and not today. I think it will be an interesting exercise in our belief structure when we start dealing with computers / robots, etc. that interact with humanity.

There used to be a question about whether or not animals would be in heaven. Do they have souls? Wow ... it's kind of exciting to be part of a world where the Creator allows these questions to be asked!

Life in the Fast Lane

The fast lane isn't happening so much for me this weekend. It's glorious!

Have you missed me, though? I feel a little guilty for not blogging this week. It's been a wild one. The entire staff was at Brookside Church for the Leadership Summit beginning on Thursday. Now for me, that meant that Monday - Wednesday I was jammin' while trying to get everything finished. My poor brain was so exhausted at the end of every day, it was all I could do to be a vegetable in the evening.

The Leadership Summit was something! We heard some amazing speakers and though I have to say that I didn't learn anything extraordinarily new, I was fully inspired. I hope that everyone gets a chance to experience this summit in years to come. Make the effort, it's always worth it. I heard an interview with Colin Powell. That man is a leader. Oh, I know ... that's an obvious statement, but wow. You listen to him speak and realize that there is a powerful personality there.

Saturday morning I listened as Bill Hybels from Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago (Willow Creek Association hosts this Summit) interviewed Jimmy Carter. People were asking me if I liked Carter. Let me tell you why I do. My father did. A lot. Not necessarily as a politician, but as a man. As I watched the interview unfold, I remembered the conversations that I had with Dad about Carter. Dad felt that he had never received the respect that he deserved for the brilliant man that he was. Do you know that he was a nuclear physicist?

Carter is a man of peace ... above all things ... peace. I grew up with a father who believed in peace ... above all things. Carter's peace treaty between Israel and Egypt changed the face of mideast policies.

So, yesterday as the interview finished, I began to weep. A lot. I wanted to do nothing other than call Dad and tell him about this amazing interview and to discuss what I had heard with him. My poor husband had to listen to me and discuss it all with me. He's a good man.

Jen had to miss the last half of the Summit and YEA! I was able to take Max with me. He got to hear Colin Powell and Jimmy Carter - as well as the other speakers on Friday and Saturday. It was fun to be able to share that with him.

It's a hard life sitting for 8 hours a day listening to speakers, though. My butt was killing me at the end of each day. The seats were very comfortable, but after 8 hours, I was exhausted. I took my knitting with me so that I would keep my hands busy during the sessions. For that I was thankful it was a simulcast and not a live event. I couldn't be that rude to a speaker. But, I did get 4 dishrags knitted over the weekend. Love those things!

I got home yesterday afternoon and crashed. I was certainly glad for a nap! But, then, last night I stayed up until 2 am. Carol and I were emailing back and forth as I was creating lots of forms, posters, postcards and paper for her classroom. She figured that the other teachers would see her as an overachiever. She's just glad to have me helping. And I'm so glad to be doing this for her! It's great fun for me. I want her to have the coolest classroom around. Give her the chance to be an inspiring movement in the lives of her kids. She can do it - but everything I can do to help ... is fun for me!

Fortunately, I was able to sleep in this morning. Whew ... needed it!

I found this great site - tons of television shows to watch. I've been watching the Sci Fi channel's "Eureka". It's amazing. Hilarious and tons of fun stuff involving brilliant people. Gotta love it. Geeks on television. They make me happy. On an earlier episode, I saw the desk I want. The computer is in the desktop. Oh my ... remember TRON? Loved that desk.

Ok ... have I caught up on my life yet? Probably not - there are always a million things going on in my life. It's pretty exciting and pretty cool. And just a reminder. In all things ... God is good.

Late night thoughts

It's nearly 2:30 am and I'm up. I hate these nights, but seem to have them regularly. I fell asleep tonight about 10:30 for 3 hours and woke up. I was hot. Last night the fan that keeps air moving around me was making too much noise and I turned it off. I thought I had turned it back on this evening and it was very quiet! Ummm ... no. It was off. I pressed the wrong stupid button. So as I tried to relax and go back to sleep, the rattling in the fan began again and I wasn't cooling down fast enough and I think I had too much caffeine before I went to sleep.

Then, my brain began processing on things from the day, I tried to get them handled and voila! I'm wide awake. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow morning for several projects and that stresses me out. Pretty soon I'll let the dog outside for a middle of the night run. That will give me a little peace later on when I'm back to sleep in the early hours of the morning. Then when she is settle again tonight, I'll flip lights on, pull out my Bible and read through one of the minor prophets.

The other night I read through the book of Joel ... twice. I love these books. There's so much fascinating information in them. God has cool things to say to His people! The book of Joel has a large passage that focuses on the "Day of the Lord". On that day ... great and wonderful things will happen. I can't wait. No, I'm not going to tell you about it here - go read it!

An article from Christianity Today caught my eye today "We Revere the Bible More than We Read It". I fully admit to reading books about the Bible rather than actually just reading it. I know that I have read every word in the Bible throughout my life, but I don't have a consistency with regards to the attention that I give to it. I tend to study it for classes that I'm taking, studies that I'm writing, etc. but to read it devotionally puts me at the point of justifying a lack of time.

What's my problem? I have no idea. I do know that the Word of God is exactly that. The Bible is a collection of the Words of God that He has chosen to make known to all of mankind. It's amazing in that it's a unifying source among Christians all over the world, from all walks of life. We all read exactly the same book. We may interpret it differently, but the words are the same. These are the words that God chose to use to make Himself known to us. This is our exposure to the very heart of God.

When the Creator of the Universe says something, it occurs to me I should pay attention. The incredible thing about this book is that no matter how many times we read it, our lives interact with those Words differently each time. That tells me that this Book is a living thing. How could it not be. These Words come from the breath of God. He is still creating today.

Well, it's time to let the girl out - she just woke up and is stretching. I think she figured out that I was no longer there. When we come back in, I think I'll take some time to see what God would like to create in me tonight!