When the lightbulb dims

Today has been a weird day. I generally spend Mondays in pretty intense study. More than likely that's because I've done nothing productive over the weekend and sometimes even on Friday (when it comes to studying and learning Greek).

But, yesterday I was able to devote some time to it since Max was out playing Dungeons and Dragons with his buddies. However, I got to the online page and the Chapter lecture wasn't posted. What? Oh for heaven's sake. And I got stressed. Why isn't it there? Am I doing something wrong, is the professor not keeping up with this stuff ... what's going on?

I went to bed that way ... stressed. My problem is that I am so excited about learning right now I could just pop. And I want things to go smoothly in the learning process.

So, I got up early this morning (after having gone to bed late last night). I was wide awake, sent a letter off to the professor with my query and then didn't know what to do. One of the things his lectures allows me to do is check my work and then he also explains things in a very clear manner - much moreso than the text.

I was wide awake ... for awhile. Then, my body reacted against 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Since I wasn't getting much done, I lay back down and finally slept well.

When I finally woke up, I realized that I could figure all of this out on my own - do the work and then just email it to him for critique. There ... that should fix it. So, I began to work. And this is where the lightbulb went a little dim.

Voila! I got an email - the lecture was posted and he gave me the link. I checked my work. Oops, missed this, missed that. What? How am I totally missing these things? Oh, good heavens, I simply don't feel like I'm getting it. And I keep referring to my notes ... this stuff is not sinking in folks.

I was at the edge of a bubble this afternoon and I just slid off ... onto the floor.

The thing is - I do understand a lot of the techniques and the things that are happening. It all makes sense, I just can't connect it to the actual process.

Tonight I went back to the beginning of the text. Rather than moving on as quickly as I'd like to (because I can hardly wait to learn all of this stuff!!!), I need to back up and go over everything again. Reinforcement is the name of the game.

Hah. I don't do this part very well. I learn and move on. I design/develop/create and move on. This whole 'going back and checking myself" stuff? I don't do so well.

Not looking for words of comfort here ... just putting it out there ... that's what I do. And I'll get past this block. I know that. It just ticked me off that I had a good day (what a gorgeous day!) to get a lot of studying done - uninterrupted by the world - and it wasn't quite as productive as I would have liked.

Thank heavens that there's always tomorrow!