Thursday, January 01, 2009

Looking back ... looking forward

I've only begun to re-read some of the blogs I wrote in 2008 and I find myself overcome with gratitude. I am so thankful that God has brought me to this point in my life. It is a choice every day to allow Him to be in control and sometimes I forget that it's necessary for me to make that choice, but when I do, I see a positive outcome.

In the post "A New Year" from December 31, 2007, I mentioned that I wanted to keep myself open to the movement of the Holy Spirit over the next year. Little did I know what that was going to entail, but I learned that by keeping myself open, things got exciting!

On January 14, I wrote in "Radical Prayer" that I was tired of weak, unfulfilled prayer. I wanted to learn to pray like I was living within God's will. What I discovered was that a life like that looked nothing like my expectations. It's not as hard as I thought!

I wrote about the little things I enjoy, Jello, Limeade (and naps), Fruit Loops, Sci Fi, Dungeons & Dragons, Vampires, Words, Geeks, Amazon's bookstore, Books, Dove Chocolate.

I had a fabulous vacation this year and blogged all the way through it. What a great experience that was! I know my friends enjoyed watching Max and me traverse Route 66 and the southwest, but I had a great time going through each day and actually remembering the fun that we had. I remember growing up with Dad always questioning us at the end of each day on vacation regarding our favorite things of the day. He didn't want us to chase through the experience without anchoring some of it in our minds.

This was the year that I finally made a massive life-change and stopped working day to day in the real world. I have no idea how long I'm going to be able to live like this, but when God said 'Go,' I said, 'ok.' My ideas and things that I had based my life on were challenged in big ways and I was able to actually look at them with eyes wide open.

Because of my father and the way we were raised, I felt that being a part of the local church was important, no matter how much I might disagree with the plans set forth by the leadership. In the past, I threw myself behind them because I believed that it was important to support the leadership, even at great damage to myself and my reputation. That attitude is now gone and though you will never find me challenging the leadership vocally, you will also not find me participating. There's a lot of freedom in that.

I fell in love with my husband over and over again throughout 2008. It's nice to be at this point in our relationship and still find things that are wonderful about your spouse. I also have been able to spend a lot more time with my extended family. I love them so much and am so fortunate to have this gift in my life. My friends have allowed me to make radical changes and given me support through them. It's been a good year.

I'd like to point you back to a lot of my blogs, because those words show the changes and growth that happened in my life, but I also know that the next year will bring even more change and more growth. I wish I could go to December 31, 2009 and look back so that I can make better decisions. But, then it wouldn't be the journey that it is going to be and I wouldn't have to lean on God to help me make it through the year.

As Max and I lay in bed last night trying to fall asleep, we both agreed that 2008 was much easier than 2007. Both of us lost parents that year and the changes that we dealt with were incredible. It's exciting to be on the cusp of a new year with expectations and breathless anticipation.

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